More Cherubs

Hi....It's me Annie Grace.....

I have just found out why she left me alone one night......in a rain storm.

JFK Jr's Birthday party. Yes, she traveled 800 miles in a driving rain storm....on Rt 128 (For those outside Ma.....It's the busiest death trap of Rt95, especially on a Fri)..... by herself...took her 17 hours. No food, no beverage...not even wine in the car. As she traveled the 900 miles in the death defying trip......praying....hoping she would get there with her offerings (gifts). NOTHING stopped her.....nope she kept going. Come %$@@#$ or high water (which it was) SHE was going to attend. Everyone was going to be there even Grammy and Pa. That sounds a familiar....oh yes ......Little House on the Prairie...."Pa". Grammy and Pa live outside the country....in Maine...you need a passport to see them.

SHE drove and drove crossing mountains, streams and rivers...her offerings safely stowed as well as the decadent cheesecake...strapped in with bungy cords. With the hypnotic wipers squeaking she gripped the wheel pretended she was in France...driving to George in Italy ..............and made it.

Upon arrival.....with hair quite frizzy, mascara smudged (yes, a special occasion so she splurged with mascara), NO lip gloss, and soaking wet, she stumbles to the door...winds whipping, rain driving on her face.........Yes! There they were..........all the cast of characters were warm, safe and dry inside The Cleavers house...... The Pigeon, The Felons, a wet Spaniel, a terrified cat,,,,(whom I will NEVER meet), the entire flock of pigeons and yet more Cherubs. There were Cherubs EVERYWHERE...all lively and full of conversation....all girls. My poor Little Cherub (Danny.....)...... I understand why he went upstairs to play the trumpet....completely understand!

As dinner began The Lady saw The Cherubs all line up and politely get their food then finding their own spot to eat demurely. How sweet.........THEN she noticed...their plates.....oh my goodness.....every single one of them had selected the same thing......macaroni and chocolate covered strawberries! THAT WAS ALL! Someone must be supervising and will require a vegetable or meat! SOMEONE! Not a soul.

At this point I am sure you can guess where the elders were.....in the kitchen.....at the bar. Every single one! Even Grammy and Pa. As all The Cherubs ate..the supervising elders brought out lots of food...with meat and vegetable. The Cherubs continued to devour their starch and chocolate. Games were played, food was eaten, and drinks were flowing. Next all The Cherubs proceeded to eat cake. Clearly they needed more....... Some even conned seconds. As quickly as the sugar high kicked in......they left. Seeing them stream out of the house was like watching an ant hill explode. She drove 950 miles home.....in the rain...........took her 22 hours...to make sure I was OK. Well.....I was.........no sugar.....no macaroni........but warm safe and dry....in peace and quiet. Here is the brood............with Grammy and Pa............

Remember I said there were games? It was Jeopardy.....and here are the two teams. Please note....the team on the left...looks rational...the team on the right.....wine glass holding bookends!

Saying goodbye to The Toad

Hi...It's me Annie Grace,



While you all realize that I clearly think she is insane..if not demented......I will agree that I do find it odd about The Toad. He is out on the back steps just about every evening. And yes...he really does come out from the darkness to sit at her feet when she comes outside. What I am trying to grasp is............. the other day when she brought in a FLY on steroids to amuse me while she was working...is why? Perhaps ...........she is not human. I mean really....The Toad?......the fly showing up???? Why else would The Toad hang out? VOLUNTARILY? I just do not get it. But she is outside in the fleeting summer evenings....taking every night to visit with The Toad. Seriously....I even hear him rustling (Yes Scott.....like Russell) in the leaves under MY window.

I am starting to comprehend that summer is her favorite season and am getting scared...very scared...that this could be a long winter season. Me....HER......alone.....for many months. No Toad.....no beach......oh my goodness! I can see that sappy look in her eye (which I might add the latest.....she is saving Mascara for special occasions....that is her idea of "cutting back") and I see her visions of Sugar Plum Fairies and sitting in front of a roaring fire TOGETHER reading a trashy novel laced with a little murder. Yup....now I understand the term "long winter months". With a glazed look in her eye she tells me all about how much fun we will have together......snow storms, making homemade red sauce simmering while we sit in front of the fire.

I am too sacred to give The HHTT Look. I close both eyes....really tight....once again thinking of Poland...Italy.... I had no idea the end of summer would be so soon and I have had no time to prepare....to find very good escape/hiding spots. I am off skulking around looking into closets....behind chairs, space under the beds (which seems to be my best options so far as she has NOTHING under the beds!!! Why? Because I have been told it is "bad Feng Shui and not good for a relationship." A relationship with WHO? George? ME? The Toad? Here is the actual definition -
Feng Shui - a Chinese geomantic practice in which a structure or site is chosen or configured so as to harmonize with the spiritual forces that inhabit it ; also : orientation, placement, or arrangement according to the precepts of feng shui

I have nicely deposited clumps of my hair under the beds (orientation,placement or arrangements) in hopes this may solve the problem. She has no idea I have done this.

I have been watching HER closet for days and have "tested the waters" in it by spending some time in it. I have noticed an increase of dark heavier clothing that seems perfect for me to rub again as I saunter through it. It will be the perfect winter hobby. To see how much I can drive her insane with my hair......on her clothes.....all winter. Perhaps winter won't be so bad!

So......we say goodbye to The Toad...as he must be off to Miami for the winter. How he is getting there I have no idea....(with the cost of fuel today!) but I am confident even if he walks the whole way...he has enough body mass to live for quite a while. Seriously...look at him!

Here is the latest Toad picture.....please note...he has his back to her....

Her future husband.......

So....this evening I was trying to kill time before I was carried off to bed. (yes.....I really flop like a ragdoll...thus...MY BREED) and I asked what is a husband and why does all the other cast of characters have one? She gave me a puzzled look........checked herself out in the window glass....fluffed her hair and said...."because I am waiting for George". George who????????? (and does he have Wisker Lickens?) She says with the most serious voice I have ever heard "George Clooney....." I raised one perfect eyebrow and looked her right in the eye.....you have got to be kidding!!!!!! You can not be serious? He is in Italy!! And......he is a movie star. "



She said "No... .. he does not live in Italy all the time".



I hope everyone is following me in the fact that she HAS NO LOGIC. None.



At this completely insane perspective I have to point out the facts to her.

1. He will never come to this prison of a house

2. He will never come to this state

3. He is not going to invite you to his villa

4. You will never have a chance encounter with him on a plane. (when? A layover in Philly?)

5. You will never bump into him at a James Taylor concert

6. He will not see you from across the room at "The Mews" and fall madly in love

7. You will never sell him a house

8. He will not see your picture in The Narragansett Times and track you down

9. Nobody will want to "FIX YOU UP WITH HIM"

10. Even IF you ever met him.......I highly doubt he would sweep you (and me) off our feet to live in harmony in his Villa....in Italy....on a lake...,.filled with Wisker Lickens.



I am quite certain she has seen one too many Julia Roberts movies.



She gave me a look (I get them often) and said "Annie Grace......you should be more positive."



What I am is ...............POSITIVELY certain that my well being is in her hands and while I wait for Sammer to come help with my escape.....I am doomed. Without any "Husband". Positively doomed.

dinner party

Hi...It's me Annie Grace....

So as you can now surmise..much of my complaints are her talking.

Well.....when I get one word answers...I know something is amiss. As the saying goes...."Do not bite the hand that feeds you", so periodically I do feign interest. Tonight was JUST a little odd. I asked where were you? "Out" was the answer. Out where? "Dinner" was the response. Dinner WHERE? "At Pameleerrrr's" was the answer. With The Urchin's???? Did they ask about me???? I am sure they were wondering where I was!!!!! The Lady explained they had "company" ....Smithy and Babs.
WHO??? They sound like the name of a rifle...or hit men. This is the most I can figure out at this point....

She went to a dinner party with Pamaleerrrrr, The Urchins,PAT (A Husband), Smithy and Babs (The parents of Pameleeeerrrr) and a fat dog named Sammy.
Sounds utterly facinating.......Sorry...I fell asleep for a second!.
A dinner party! Wow...how fun ....while I was chomping on Iams Hairball Reducer food alone........SHE was at a dinner party!!!!. I hope this time The Urchins had foot ware.
So....a DINNER PARTY....what trinkets did you go home with? What was the party favor? Fine china, crystal.....Congac...perfume...imported chocolates? What?????



She said no they gave her English Muffins. ......................Yes...with all the nooks and crannies...


Apparently Smithy and Babs knocked off the Shaw's truck and stole a case of English Muffins. See........hit men......dough thieves...it's all the same. They drove up from Florida to rob a Shaw's truck ....in uncharted territories. I am concerned that they drive cross country in their unsuspecting minivan stealing. They were "driving home to Florida".........hitting every state....to "visit people". Yeah, ....like more dough. Food is expensive these days! WE.....the consumer will pay! I mean really? What other explanation does someone have for a case of Thomas's English Muffins. Has ANYONE ever even bought more than 2 packages? I am seeing the reasons why the big urchin left with no shoes.....genetics. Just steal another pair! Quite scary indeed.

Right now The Lady is plotting a way to steal the young Urchin....to free her of the potential life of dough crime. I might step on board for this one myself! Utterly scary!!! I would watch out Pamaleerrrr.... But then again you are very busy these days blogging yourself.

But! Then I find this photo of The Urchins......with The Lady.....clearly unsupervised!!! Lipstick??????? On a young Urchin??????? Perhaps she is better off with a mother who thinks she is a Victoria Secret Angel and dough thieves for grandparents...... Mine are Felons so who am I to talk.

Please note......no shoes ....again on The big Urchin

Personal space

Hi....It's me....Annie Grace,



I am taking the time to gently explain to The Lady personal space.
That would be mine....hers I have no concern for and am in no mood to to argue with her that we are EQUAL. We are not! My space is my space.... Your space is my space. VerySimple. Here are some of my points I have explained to her-


There is no need to come over and pet me every time you walk by because I "look so sweet". I would look sweeter if I could SLEEP!


When I am on predator watch from the window......I am just fine working without the help of anyone standing behind me to look out the window "together". You serve no purpose.


There is no need to continually call me name when I am upstairs. I am in the bathroom. ALONE. As I should be! It is fine for me to follow anyone I chose into their bathroom though. That's just the way it is.


I do not need to be petted BY FOOT when I am on the coffee table. Keep your feet on YOUR couch.


The HHTT look is just a warning, the swipe.....a second warning and if she can not figure it out by then? The hand nip. Three times...your out. That is when I have to get up, go to another one of my 43 spaces, get settled, watch to make sure I am alone and then...only then....get some sleep.


The mornings- No need to lure me up to cuddle. I know when you are awake! I will be up to the top of the bed when I am ready. When I act happy to see you.....no need to get sappy. It's morning...I am hungry.....need Wisker Lickens after breakfast and the faster you get up......the quicker all of this takes place.

In summary........I have the right to encroach, explore, destroy, and "claim as mine" any personal possessions and air space within these confining 4 walls.

After all of this explaining she gets really close to my face ......very... very close (so much so her lip gloss had momentarily blinded me), sighs, raises both eyebrows and asks "Does that mean you are not watching a movie with me tonight?".

Just another one of my pointless conversations apparently.

"Yes" I told her. "We will watch your ridiculous love story/mystery movie together. You...on the couch and me....on the coffee table. All of our appendages in our own space and yes, I am happy to have you carry me to bed"

It becomes apparent after much looking about that I am not the only victim....many photos of her...lurking...crowding.....

The NJ Waif is turning 40

Hi...It's me Annie Grace.....

Yet another one of her "older " people is turning 40! I am instructed to say Happy 40th Birthday to the NJ Waif!!! This would be Sammer's ......the very modern cat in NJ formerly from NYC.... ANT..No it's not a typo...they have ANTS not Aunts down there. Wow...you sure hang out with OLDER people. She says yes ..............she does. I now peer at her......challenging her to continue with a slew of lies. SHE is not 32!!! Once again she bypasses this by fluttering about looking for lip gloss so she can go for a walk. All I can do is shake my head, drop a clump of hair, deposit yet more corrugated cardboard on the floor from my scratch pad, take a swipe at the leather chair and go to my window....for solitude and reflection.
The NJ Waif was over for dinner recently and I did actually feign some interest. Actually my whole thought process was to create some havoc on her perfectly Divine outfit. I almost succeeded by trying to tangle my claw in her sweater.....almost! I am being patient and figure pantyhose season is coming and I should do just fine. Also, the winter black clothing season will work quite nicely for my hair clumps.......cashmere would be preferable. COME ON OVER WAIF!!!
In my thinking hours....ooops....HOUR......I am pondering this up coming season. What will happen to The Toad? Due to rising fuel...will I have to cuddle with her...or freeze? Does she have time to rotate her wardrobe? Are her fashionable boots going to be accessible for chewing or will they be under lock and key? Why is she showing me a red polar fleece jacket that looks to be about my size?.....Oh my goodness!...It's HIS! I am not WEARING that thing. Will I get turkey? I am so exhausted now I must tap into my 16 hours of sleep............

The fly

Today has been a very productive day.....I have spent all day trying to open all the closet doors...making as much racket as I can. Finally each time she gets up from the computer..exasperated....and opens the door I have been rattling. So I sit, put both paws together, tilt my head...look at her like I am saying Thank You, then I look at the open door and turn and slowly walk away. (That is the secret.....walking away slowly...like SHE did something wrong). After 4 times she gave me "A Look". I then proceeded to swipe her when she walked by, which is not my fault as she usually has some ruffle, string or scarf attached to her latest attire. Next thing I know...I HUGE fly miraculously shows up. Now in all my time here I have NEVER EVER seen a fly here! I am suspect that she has planted it here so she can "work". I have spent 3 hours swatting it, chasing after it, and following it. I find it odd that it is attracted to "my window" and "my front door". My two favorite places??? The fly only likes my two favorite places??? This is insane. I ate it. So..... I look up...where she is working......ready to give the mother of all HHTT Looks. There...on the computer....I see it.....SEPHORA. Yes folks....she has planted a fly on steroids in the house so she can see the 25 greatest picks on Sephora. What human being would drive their cat insane for eyeliner and lip gloss?????

Ward Cleaver is 40!!!!

Hi....It's me...Annie Grace....
I am hear to say a big 40th HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Uncle JFK Jr (who I have never met......)!!!! This is him with the two women who have tortured him for many years....currently two others have replaced them....The Pigeon and the eldest Cherub!!! So....after my daily dose of Wisker Lickens and a rather boring synopsis of her day...The Lady told me it's Ward's birthday and he's 40. Wow....."I had no idea your brother was that much older" I told her. (you see I am suspect that she is really 32) She bypassed my response quite smoothly and said "yes it truly is shocking". So what did you buy him I asked? A new car? A whole wardrobe of hockey equipment? A trip to Vegas? Please tell me!!! (and by the way did you sign my name on the card???). She said no...none of the above..it is much much better. At this point I am hoping he really knows her and will have low expectations...as I do. I would think that growing up with The Rock Star and The Lady must be ......well..let's just say.....quite exhausting!!! The Lady said...."no...we all sang kumbyahaa...daily." Really???????? I am quite shocked...daily???? There will come a day when I get to the bottom of her lies and madness but on this special day all I can say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
p.s. Uncle Ward will you please come and rescue me?????????? Soon!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleaning with the ceiling fans....

Hi.... It's me...Annie Grace..


This one still has me hysterical with laughter..... The Lady is fluttering about...vaccuuming...cleaning...trying to get all of my hair from the corners...very thorough job she is doing. Throughout the last 3 months the ceiling fans are on summer mode ( I know this because she labels which way the fans should go based on season.....she can not seem to remember...so she "labels"). All day I watch all the hair float up when the ceiling fans are on. So anyway.....she vacuums all the floors, Murphy Oils them. So I said "why don't you reverse the ceiling fans to push the air down to HELP dry the floors better". "Great idea Annie....you are so helpful and smart!" she exclaims. This is the best part!!!!... She reverses the fan and all my hair that has clung to the fan now comes flying down! It was fabulous!!! She is running around trying to turn them off and is dismayed to see all the hair floating down....on her wet floors.....clean wet floors. I gasped.....Oh my! In order to hide my smile I elegantly pretended to clean my paws. This is all payback from The Pledge Launch Pad incident.
As you may have guessed this "accident" has her now cleaning all the ceiling fans which in turn has given my time to use my cardboard scratch pad (the cheap one that leaves cardboard ALL over)....trying to stay out of her way.

Beach Etiquette

Hello...It's me Annie.....



I am learning rapidly about many things that have to do with living near the beach. The fog, hearing the seagulls, the traffic, wearing a bathing suit under your work clothes but beach etiquette is one I am not sure I even need to know. I was able to appear somewhat concerned and enthralled through most of the story, Here is what I never have to deal with.........but had to listen to...



She (The Lady) says she went for one of the last days at the beach and it was not crowded and some people came and sat very close to her.....too close. Do you need a reservation I asked? Did you ask for another spot No she said you can sit anywhere you want. So why did they sit so close? There was a whole empty beach and etiquette is you sit as far away from others as you can trying to stay evenly spaced between everyone. Yet, while you "claim your plot of sand" for only one afternoon those around you watch you set all your belongings out yet under a watchful eye making sure you "the newcomer" does not go beyond their invisible space. Then you gracefully try to disrobe and get your butt in the beach chair as quickly as possible only to realize your beach bag is out of reach so you have to stand up anyway and get it. With a stressful sigh, making sure your chair is positioned in the best spot so you can read without getting the belly tan lines and you look thinner ....only then.....can begin to read meanwhile scoping everyone around you from under your sunglasses. I mean you can basically stare at mostly naked people for as long as you want and they do not even know!! Like a spy!!!! Even if they do think it.....there is no proof with your sunglasses on. Then for fun....you wait for the novices to leave their bags unattended to go to the water and the seagulls descend in a group of 30 and pull out all their chip and food bags demolishing it all in about 3 1/2 min ......then poke around in all your personal belongings just searching for more.....all while you ran down for a quick dip. Etiquette at the beach.......NEVER EVER leave food unless it in a cooler. Then they come back from the water and look at you. (Like you really would eat their "generic brand" chips and Wonder bread sandwiches!) City Folk indeed. The locals eat Belmont gourmet food, Lobster Salad, brie and other imported cheeses or soupy....all with cloth napkins safely under lock and key.


So Beach Etiquette has many rules which apparently there is not a hand book written.....I thought I could help.


1. Don't sit really close to people unless you have to.


2. Leave your food locked....those around you have no need for 30 seagulls in "their space" as seagulls don't know the defined area....and hover.


3. Children running around are priceless...and lovely...no need for them to come close to others in "their space"...kicking up sand.


4. Your choice of music....while interesting.....does not need to be "enjoyed" by all at the beach


5. Your umbrella....is lovely as well and matches your chairs nicely.....but it will blow in your neighbors "space" and while you awkwardly retrieve it...they will glare at you.


6. While it is windy at the beach...no need to stand and talk loudly.....if you really had anything important to say....others would listen in anyway.


7. If you are sitting in front close to the ocean...please keep in mind there are rows of people behind you......they see everything you do.....every move.


8. If you come to the beach with an umbrella....and a tent.....maybe you should rethink why you are here!!!!!!!!!! It's the beach!! Not a camp ground. They sell sunblock EVERYWHERE!


9. High Tide is posted everywhere. You need to watch the time and properly place your chairs as you could be washed out and you look like a novice while trying to grab your chair, blankets and cooler. If you have difficulty in figuring that out.... learn from The NJ Waif and her Husband...they have it down to the inch!! Seriously.....if you go to the beach with them...no problems.



10. Lastly...... The rip current is clearly posted.....while the sight of 5 twenty something gorgeous buff lifeguards running by (visions.....of Baywatch..) is a pleasant sight...... DON'T GO IN THE WATER IF YOU CANT SWIM WELL!!!


I can only be happy the season is over......now she can complain about winter etiquette driving...

The Urchins

Hi....It's me....Annie Grace,

I am recovering from a wild night. Pamaleerrrr came and brought her Urchins. No...not The Cherubs....(they have yet to celebrate my arrival into the family.) The festivities were overwhelming and it seemed as though all night The Lady was trying to undo all the years of good behavior they had been taught. Quite ghastly really.... running bare foot all over the yard...matter of fact one urchin went home without his shoes....lost them...who knows where but it makes me suspect that two grown women sitting on their butts drinking wine would lose track of an urchins shoes....but who am I to bring up flaws. The other one swinging in a hammock...which was frightfully above boulders and other items of nature than can cause bodily harm. There were fudgsicles, ice cream sandwiches, ketchup...oh and wine. It is quite obvious to me why The Cherubs don't visit!!!!! I will say they were quite pleased with me! (Based on the others in attendance....that is not saying much..but..). So I asked The Lady about the little urchin....Is she yours? The Lady said yes. Although Pameleeerrr carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her, feeds her, raised her, keeps a roof over her head.....she is really The Lady's. I have limited knowledge of the outside world besides CNN but I fail to see the logic in this. You can not borrow OTHER PEOPLES KIDS!!!! The Lady asked "why not?". Because you just CAN'T! She is now re-thinking her original thoughts of her and the little urchin and ME on this years Christmas card..... so now she is off in the other room looking through HIS old things looking for a prop for me...to wear....in this years card. Great....can hardly wait. I managed to get some shots of what really goes on here. Be horrified with me.....

I am hiding...from her vanity

Hello...It's me..Annie Grace..
I am trying to hide from The Lady.....I need a little time to myself. You see... what happened was we were having some Iams Hairball Reducer with Wisker Lickens for desert and she was talking...talking... talking...about everything. I thought to myself....why oh why me....Trying to avoid indigestion I just kept looking at her....her face.....her hair......oh my gosh...her hair! I thought I was being proactive... So... I said.."You should make a hair appointment....your gray roots are showing...." She gave me a very blank look and said... "it's the sun". I said..."no.....you really should make an appointment." Well as you can imagine...the kitchen flew back.....she spent a good 5 minutes examining all of her roots. Then in a panic she proceeded to call The "Hair Stylist".......about 10 times. (I personally think it is a hairdresser but apparently the NJ Waif thinks if you pay them a ton more money and they act very interested in you personally THEN they are "Stylists") Every time the answering machine came on she hung up and called again...and again.....finally I said... "It's 6:30 AM why would ANYONE pick up? She said because vanity never goes to sleep......Let this be a lesson to me.....and my vanity. Mine? I personally look beautiful everyday....all day..... She fails to realize that I do spend at least 3 hours a day grooming myself......and then I do sleep....all day...everyday....and I do not have gray hair.

She takes the day off to wait to hear back from "The Stylist"....oh goody.

So later I am laying in the sun....minding my own business and she says..."Oh Annie...you really are happy here! You are bathing in the sun with your eyes closed .....looking so content". I open one eye..... half way..... hoping she would leave. She just stands there gazing at me like she has created some fabulous world for me! Now I gave her the two eyed but only half way open look.....Personal space lady... look it up...you are in mine! She has no idea that I was dreaming....of escape.....Poland.....my people.......potato vodka......or maybe Italy.....with Shirley....wine.....critters in the vineyards. I close my eyes.....please please willing her to go. She now tiptoes away......quite pleased with herself thinking that I am happy and even smiling ......with major... major gray roots which she better get colored....real soon.

Our Budget...

Hi...It's me..Annie Grace....


I think you might getting an idea of The Lady and her completely insane rational and way of thinking. So after the pedicure incident I spent a day reviewing her budget and found quite a few items that I thought needed clarification. I asked her to provide me some more details of these items which she categorized for me.

Mascara- Paint

Eyeliner (liquid) - Paint

Eyeliner (pencil) - Supplies/Writing utensils

Pedicure - House maintenance/Power washing

Wine - Fruits and Vegetables

Beer - Fiber and Grains

Vodka - Vegetables (she said it is Polish potato vodka.....POLAND!!!!)

Ice cream bars - Dairy

Danielle Steele's new HARDCOVER Novel - Education

Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer - Sunblock (she said it SPF 20)

Reflexology - Physical Therapy

Strawberry/Vanilla Scented Body Lotion - Medical (she said the smell makes her feel better)

Beach pass - She had nothing to say........

New Sugarland CD - Charity (she said it is only their 2nd CD)

"Aspen Nights" Shimmer Lancome Eyeshadow - No answer for that one except to tell me grey was in this fall.

I have to go now......the new Sephora Catalog just arrived and I have to go confiscate it..then chew on it.
Do widzenia; do zobaczenia (Goodbye...)

She is trying to kill me....with Pledge

Hi...It's me...Annie Grace,
I fear for my life today. It started this weekend in which the weather predicted the storm Hannah. I thought it would be best to approach this in a gentle way and asked if we had added cat food to my list of supplies in the Hurricane Kit. The lady was in the middle of applying her latest purchase of Lancome Shimmering Rose Eyeshadow (she claims helping the GNP) as she felt "a little shimmer on a gray day will lift your spirits" but took the time to answer. Apparently the Hurricane Kit is full. Now I am not one to overreact but there is still dog food in there and I know one less scented candle because she used it for a dinner party! Where is my food!!!!! She said here try this it's SHEBA .....chicken flavored. Look lady......I don't want to "try this" I need to know I will be safe! But I did and it was quite good. So much so....I threw it up. (It was actually nerves as well...this is very stressful...)
So she prances about cleaning and dusting. Complaining about all the cardboard from my scratching box (my answer ?.........sure get rid of it...there is ALWAYS your leather chairs!) now out comes the Pledge...everything is clean and shiny. To include....all my spots which I lay on. Most importantly my coffee table which now when I jump on it I slide right off, straight across it landing on the floor. This has happened 3 times!! I heard her laugh which is very frightening. I can not wait to send her on her butt.
After her assuring me that all will be fine..it's not going to be bad, she spends some time fluffing her hair, waterproof eyeliner (very very smart decision with the rain!), shimmering blush, stay proof lipstick (once again I do admire her preparedness.....for make up application in the rain!!!!!!), a poof of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue and starts to sashay out the door....to go to dinner. Leaving me alone....in a storm. Upon her arrival home in the horrible conditions of rain and wind, looking like Tammy Faye I gave her my best HHTT Look to which she said "Annie did you miss me?" Miss you? My sleeping spots are now launch pads, go look in the mirror....you are horrifying and I think I might now throw up again.

Saying Good Morning...

Hi....It's me.....Annie Grace....

Good Morning! I have done my morning duty of awakening her quite early and even managed to throw in an act....that I actually was thrilled to see her awake. This usually begins with a massive amount of purring to which she gets all sappy saying "Oh Annie...you do like me!" No....I actually like my tuna flavored food more which I need YOU to get up and open the can! Then on a good day I let her pet me and then even get slightly affectionate....just in small doses. Then I jump up....give her a look of horror....like I just realized I let my guard down and this usually makes her concerned that she was too overwhelming........ya think?????? FINALLY.....she gets out of bed. Off on her most embarrassing walk...which leaves me a very QUIET breakfast time. So....she arrives home muttering about the people out and about. Figuring if I act interested...I could scoff Wisker Lickens off her. I sigh...put on my sweetest face....sit at attention....(trying not to look at the closet where my Lickens are)...put both paws perfectly placed in front of me, tilt my head, open my eyes wide and ask "what are you talking about?"

Well.....

It seems as though when she is out walking...NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HER!!!! She says as she is doing her runway strut/debutante walk with her headphones she says good morning to everyone. She CLAIMS no one really says it to her and when she says hello they all act startled like they just saw her and then they mumble. So now she is saying it really really loud thinking it will make people be nicer and they will think she is talking loud because her head phones are on.....loud. She even claims she smiles after she says it and keeps stumbling...I mean walking. At this point I do drift off and envision that I am living with Shirley in Italy waiting to cross the border to Poland...to find my family. Snapping back to reality I ask her what do people do when you very loudly say hello/good morning? She says they walk much more quickly in the opposite direction and keep looking back at her. She says they are probably wondering why she is so nice, where she bought her fabulous walking cloths and what is her shade of lip gloss.

I asked her "perhaps they think you are odd? Maybe they are just plain walking to enjoy some QUIET time and don't feel the need to converse with a crazy person?" She is pondering this right now and I have no Wisker Lickens........ This is not a good day!

The Sacred Crown

Hi..it's me...Annie Grace......
I have noticed a lot of activity around town....streets are being swept, flowers are being planted along Main St, people are cleaning their store front windows, banners are being hung, sidewalks are being swept, front porches painted and I wondered for what? So taking the chance that I could get a one sentence answer from The Lady.....which clearly I was wrong........I asked.

She said Shirley is coming! Who? Apparently Shirley lives in Italy, which I am wondering if it close to Poland so she could help me with my escape...(I mean heritage search....to find my family since I must be Polish....as I can speak it.) Anyway......Shirley lives in Italy. I asked The Lady what does she do there? The Lady says the best she can surmise...is she drinks wine, goes to dinner parties,drinks wine, grows vegetables, drinks wine, rides around hair-pin turns and gets bugs in her hair from picking grapes. (I am wondering if she gets hairballs......like me.....I heard she has big hair which now throws me in a tailspin as maybe I am Italian....with my big hair) I think that sounds fabulous! So why is she coming? The Lady said for her Ornament Exchange Party she thinks. (I am suspect that someone would come 2 months early for just a party.......but I really don't see the need to deflate The Lady on this) She said Shirley was the winner 2 years ago of The Sacred Crown and she probably wants to get a jump on things this year and spend at least 2 months searching for the PERFECT ornament as the she was de-crowned last year by Liisa.

At this point I am thinking...how awful! De-crowned? That must weigh heavy on someone! No wonder she left the country! So where is The Crown I asked? The Lady said frightfully.....it's with Liisa. She said the The Crown should be kept in a temperature controlled vault, wrapped in tissue paper and insured with Lloyds of London only to be brought out on the sacred evening. She fears that The Crown is in Liisa's basement,shed or in her garage......or under Glenn's John Deere....... or being used to pick all her tomatoes.

No wonder Shirley is flying back!!! Hurry!

Our Toad

Hi...It's me...Annie Grace...

This is our toad.........

This latest development has me unable to sleep. A typical evening in...at first. Dinner....Wisker Lickens....sleep while she reads...wake up....bite her hand because she is crowding my space...she reads...looks at me...takes off her glasses because she only reads with them, gazes at me and says "Annie....you look very happy". What I look is TIRED....stop talking and read...we are NOT bonding tonight. With a very heavy sigh that I am suppose to feel guilty about she says "well let's go to bed after I say good night to The Toad. Book and glasses go down, she gets up from the couch (groans when she gets up...because she is old) walks out to the back patio, comes back in and says "let's go". I HAD to ask! What were you doing? It seems (please keep in mind this is coming from HER not me!) since she moved here..... there is a toad that comes every summer to the back patio and when she goes outside it comes out of the dark and sits near her feet and is not scared of her. I am wondering...VOLUNTARILY he sits with you????? Clearly the intelligence level of a toad has dropped in my eyes....RUN!!! She claims it is the same toad every year and now he is huge. I am suspect. She then shows me a picture she just took....of The Toad. So I am now wondering...how does she think it's the same toad? With at least 10 lawn mowing's a season...for 9 years....In 90 cuts he has not been shredded????????? I really don't see....

1. Why he would survive 90 cuts

2. The amount of predators in the area......he's whole feast....look at his belly!!!

3. 9 winters...what ...does he fly to Miami?

4. Why he is NOT afraid of her

5. How you could think it's the same toad?????????

6. Why he would actually want to come out of hiding to be with her. If only I found a good hiding spot!!!

So......I sasked if perhaps I could go outside with you and see him? (Clearly a ploy to escape..) She said ......No.

Now I am up all night peering out the back window hoping I can talk with him....to educate him....maybe lure him inside...with flies.....to help him escape....or eat him.

Hi....It's me...Annie Grace

I was poking around in her emails and found one (kindly sent by the NJ waif's sister) that has given me inspiration that I am not alone....I feel a kindred spirit to this wonderful author (clearly a feline that is living in a similar environment..........perhaps the feline is male and I have soul mate on this planet). Sometimes I do go out to the garage and hide in the back seat...(please note the LEATHER seats.....my favorite....) plotting my escape......she has no idea.......One day...Poland.....or NJ!! Since the Waif story I have no learned that big hair does not come only from NJ....apparently is has to do with the 80's....to which I have no idea what that means........

The Dog’s Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!——————————————

The Cat’s Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Jerks!There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

I must must must find this soul mate....................

The upcoming elections

Hi...it's me...Annie Grace...

I am trying to acclimate myself to the more serious things in life, trying to educate myself, brush up on current events.......which mean NOTHING here.....

So I am watching CNN...every day...all day.....alone.....waiting.....and she pranced in tonight with a dead cell phone battery (Why? Because she talks so much), smudged mascara and faded eyeliner (clearly not the Dior waterproof in sable brown...that she swears by), dirt on the heels of her shoes, cobwebs in her hair (apparently another basement that no one bothered to "spruce up" before putting their house on the market.......see how quickly I learn the lingo), uni-ball ink on her hands and last but not least....perfectly applied lip gloss. After she kicked off her heels, poured a drink and in a very un-lady like manner sprawled in the leather chair I had just recently sharpened my claws on....I asked her...what are the elections all about. Who are these people?

She gave me a blank look......the line between her eyes deepened....(she MIGHT want to get some quick heavy duty lotion for that!), she bits her bottom lip (leaving lip gloss on her teeth) and says...."Are the elections this year? Who is running? They really should put them in the news. Gosh I hope they let us know before November" With this perfectly profound statement uttered from her not to perfect lip glossed lips I felt the need to help her so she will not make a complete and utter fool of herself.....(and me) I found this...which brings it to her level...(if not slightly above!)

Love,

Annie Grace

Here is the link........
http://www.peteyandpetunia.com/VoteHere/VoteHere.htm

The NJ pollark

Hi....it's me Annie Grace...

We were sitting around talking (well...as you can imagine SHE was talking...I was trying to eat my Wisker Lickens Treats) and I asked who was that lady in the high heels who is from another country who claims she cleaned my litter box when you were away but really The Husband did? (yes Scott....it's a run on sentence)
She said another country? (see....she is not worried about my litter box!!!) What do you mean she asked me? The lady with the accent I said......The accent? Oh........Elisa....she said but she is not from another country....she is from NEW JERSEY and..... she is Polish but that's not the point.
Does she help you with all your prisoners...I mean pets I asked? Yes...when her fish passed away (no...she did not kill another one. This one she claims was 102 years old and was very happy here...although they found a fishing lure attached to him, it was ruled accidental ...not suicide or murder) The Husband also took care of the problem...by flushing him. So...I asked what does she really do when she comes here? I proceeded to tell her that this lively young thing did indeed come to check on me......but she had 6 inch heels and I feared for her safety if walking up the stairs...to my litter box. . She was talking to me....with her accent so finally I said loudly ....Mów wolniej (which means speak slower...in polish!! ) I was scared...very scared. I could have a very dirty litter box if this continues....Thus....The Husband...he steps in to save the day giving me the clean litter box I am use to......... as he could walk UP the stairs.
Being from a very sheltered world (remember...indoor cat!) I am intrigued....about this New Jersey waif in her 8 inch high heels ...tell me more! Well, people from New Jersey...they like Lima beans mixed into what they call succotash...and they all think Bruce Springsteen should be president. Who???? She said never mind. Why does she wear those 10 inch heels I asked the Lady. Because they are all so comfortable and all NJ girls have high heels and big hair. (I have big hair!!! maybe I am from NJ or MAYBE I am Polish!!) Matter of fact all of her high heels are to quote the NJ Polish waif "very comfortable.....my most comfortable pair of shoes". I am suspect of this. Very suspect. Very Very Very!
The Husband.....? I have a feeling he may be my only saving grace....Saving Annie Grace.
As they left....I yelled ....Wspaniale, dzieki! (Great....Thanks!) in Polish...my new heritage.

Z poważaniem (regards)

Annie Grace