Beach Etiquette

Hello...It's me Annie.....



I am learning rapidly about many things that have to do with living near the beach. The fog, hearing the seagulls, the traffic, wearing a bathing suit under your work clothes but beach etiquette is one I am not sure I even need to know. I was able to appear somewhat concerned and enthralled through most of the story, Here is what I never have to deal with.........but had to listen to...



She (The Lady) says she went for one of the last days at the beach and it was not crowded and some people came and sat very close to her.....too close. Do you need a reservation I asked? Did you ask for another spot No she said you can sit anywhere you want. So why did they sit so close? There was a whole empty beach and etiquette is you sit as far away from others as you can trying to stay evenly spaced between everyone. Yet, while you "claim your plot of sand" for only one afternoon those around you watch you set all your belongings out yet under a watchful eye making sure you "the newcomer" does not go beyond their invisible space. Then you gracefully try to disrobe and get your butt in the beach chair as quickly as possible only to realize your beach bag is out of reach so you have to stand up anyway and get it. With a stressful sigh, making sure your chair is positioned in the best spot so you can read without getting the belly tan lines and you look thinner ....only then.....can begin to read meanwhile scoping everyone around you from under your sunglasses. I mean you can basically stare at mostly naked people for as long as you want and they do not even know!! Like a spy!!!! Even if they do think it.....there is no proof with your sunglasses on. Then for fun....you wait for the novices to leave their bags unattended to go to the water and the seagulls descend in a group of 30 and pull out all their chip and food bags demolishing it all in about 3 1/2 min ......then poke around in all your personal belongings just searching for more.....all while you ran down for a quick dip. Etiquette at the beach.......NEVER EVER leave food unless it in a cooler. Then they come back from the water and look at you. (Like you really would eat their "generic brand" chips and Wonder bread sandwiches!) City Folk indeed. The locals eat Belmont gourmet food, Lobster Salad, brie and other imported cheeses or soupy....all with cloth napkins safely under lock and key.


So Beach Etiquette has many rules which apparently there is not a hand book written.....I thought I could help.


1. Don't sit really close to people unless you have to.


2. Leave your food locked....those around you have no need for 30 seagulls in "their space" as seagulls don't know the defined area....and hover.


3. Children running around are priceless...and lovely...no need for them to come close to others in "their space"...kicking up sand.


4. Your choice of music....while interesting.....does not need to be "enjoyed" by all at the beach


5. Your umbrella....is lovely as well and matches your chairs nicely.....but it will blow in your neighbors "space" and while you awkwardly retrieve it...they will glare at you.


6. While it is windy at the beach...no need to stand and talk loudly.....if you really had anything important to say....others would listen in anyway.


7. If you are sitting in front close to the ocean...please keep in mind there are rows of people behind you......they see everything you do.....every move.


8. If you come to the beach with an umbrella....and a tent.....maybe you should rethink why you are here!!!!!!!!!! It's the beach!! Not a camp ground. They sell sunblock EVERYWHERE!


9. High Tide is posted everywhere. You need to watch the time and properly place your chairs as you could be washed out and you look like a novice while trying to grab your chair, blankets and cooler. If you have difficulty in figuring that out.... learn from The NJ Waif and her Husband...they have it down to the inch!! Seriously.....if you go to the beach with them...no problems.



10. Lastly...... The rip current is clearly posted.....while the sight of 5 twenty something gorgeous buff lifeguards running by (visions.....of Baywatch..) is a pleasant sight...... DON'T GO IN THE WATER IF YOU CANT SWIM WELL!!!


I can only be happy the season is over......now she can complain about winter etiquette driving...