Hi....it's me...Annie Grace....
I am now hiding in the linen closet. It has been absolutely an exhausting evening. When her highness arrived home tonight I had to listen to a 1 hour dissertation of open houses. Just so the public knows.....The Lady calls it prostitution. Apparently in the middle of her watching The Barefoot Contessa making roasted tomatoes for capresse salad SOMEONE walked in! Not only that.....they stayed, sat down and proceeded to tell her all about how they have been dying to see what new things were done in the home as "they know the owners" and "have been waiting to see". Seriously.....now she is in the kitchen trying to think of the last step she missed to make these roasted tomatoes. So I sat an listened, giving her my undivided attention with my eyes wide open sitting on the floor with both paws perfectly placed. Finally....I can't stand it and start to clean my rear right paw. "Annie, are you listening?" she asks. Yes, I am multi-tasking.....keep going about the nosy neighbors. Now I am hypnotized by her eyelashes as they flutter while she continues talking. Did she have a heavy hand with mascara this morning? What was she thinking? Most commercials boast 10X coverage....that does not mean 10 layers of mascara! Is she daft? Hopefully by now she has learned her lesson and realized that 10 layers of mascara does not equal.....selling a house. I am patiently waiting for either some roasted tomatoes or the moral of her story. Neither one comes to me. Now I must graze on Iams Hairball reducer and contemplate WHY I have to hear this endless chatter. I have reminded The Lady that CSI is just starting and maybe she should get ready....by spending at least 2 minutes trying to remove that marscara. This will save me for another 2 hours.
Saturday, February 28
Tuesday, February 24
Socks has passed
Hi......It's me....Annie Grace....
I am not sure if I am fully out of mourning yet but in case EVERYONE did not know....Socks is dead. That would be the Clinton's White House cat who....after leaving the White House they gave him up to an employee, which indicates how the human population uses my species for publicity and then PUFF....we are no longer necessary. I feel his pain as I am once again having to pay attention to The Lady and her needy ways. I have just had to endure sitting on her lap for....about 25 minutes. It was horrifying! I am in my own pain with mourning the loss of a true fighter cat who beat the crap out of a White House dog named Buddy...who also is dead. If I could have lived in a mansion......well, let's just say...I would have more space and perhaps be a tad more happy. But anyway.....although people are in dire straights, watching the DOW go down, wondering why a woman would have 14 children with no job, depressed, waiting for their $2,000 economic stimulus check for a Make Over/Make Up, irritable, and basically.......mean. Socks makes headline news! A hero! I am still working on my own economic stimulus package beyond the Make Over/Make Up check.....
1. For One Week.....No one can drive. All roads will be shut down except for rescue vehicles and public transportation. You must now WALK to work and to any store. People will lose weight, not buy so much food as now they have to carry it home. And...this will help the roads.
2. For One Month....The media and press can only focus on "Nice stories"...like Buddy and Socks
3. For One Night a week.....all wine is free.
4. For One Day......Pedicures are free.
5. One Evening.....all Bank Executives must have 100 people that make under $50,000 a year over to their mansions for a free catered dinner.
This is just my preliminary ideas but I really do feel that they would help. Meanwhile I am now sitting here gazing at the fireplace...willing The Lady to please make a fire for me but now she is fluttering around looking for her check for new make-up and washing every ounce of linens in the house all while checking to make sure her waterproof eyeliner has held up for the day.
I am not sure if I am fully out of mourning yet but in case EVERYONE did not know....Socks is dead. That would be the Clinton's White House cat who....after leaving the White House they gave him up to an employee, which indicates how the human population uses my species for publicity and then PUFF....we are no longer necessary. I feel his pain as I am once again having to pay attention to The Lady and her needy ways. I have just had to endure sitting on her lap for....about 25 minutes. It was horrifying! I am in my own pain with mourning the loss of a true fighter cat who beat the crap out of a White House dog named Buddy...who also is dead. If I could have lived in a mansion......well, let's just say...I would have more space and perhaps be a tad more happy. But anyway.....although people are in dire straights, watching the DOW go down, wondering why a woman would have 14 children with no job, depressed, waiting for their $2,000 economic stimulus check for a Make Over/Make Up, irritable, and basically.......mean. Socks makes headline news! A hero! I am still working on my own economic stimulus package beyond the Make Over/Make Up check.....
1. For One Week.....No one can drive. All roads will be shut down except for rescue vehicles and public transportation. You must now WALK to work and to any store. People will lose weight, not buy so much food as now they have to carry it home. And...this will help the roads.
2. For One Month....The media and press can only focus on "Nice stories"...like Buddy and Socks
3. For One Night a week.....all wine is free.
4. For One Day......Pedicures are free.
5. One Evening.....all Bank Executives must have 100 people that make under $50,000 a year over to their mansions for a free catered dinner.
This is just my preliminary ideas but I really do feel that they would help. Meanwhile I am now sitting here gazing at the fireplace...willing The Lady to please make a fire for me but now she is fluttering around looking for her check for new make-up and washing every ounce of linens in the house all while checking to make sure her waterproof eyeliner has held up for the day.
Saturday, February 21
Hi.....it's me...Annie Grace....
My day started out on a fabulous note. She was out of the house by 7:14 AM on a Saturday which basically left me with a wide open platform of depositing large clumps of fur and otherwise wreaking havoc. As I was in the middle of my pre dinner slumber I awoke to those ever peering eyes and a ludicrous statement. "Hi Annie....what are you doing?" I am sleeping before my fresh allotment of Iams Hairball reducer chicken flavor! What do you think I am doing? "Annie...were you on the dining room table?" She asks while examining herself in the mirror.
"No."
"Are you sure Annie?" She asks me
"Yes."
"But Annie..there is fur on the table runner."
"Well....clean it up." I tell her while cleaning my left paw which needs attention.
"But Annie...you know you are not allowed on the tables"
"Yes...I am fully aware of rule #104. They are all posted on the refrigerator"
"Well Annie.....you CAN NOT do that again."
"Duly noted Mommy Dearest."
Now we are off to re-organize the closet and I am going to help. After a while she will be so self absorbed that I will go off and chew on her files in her briefcase. She will have no idea until Monday when she pulls them out.
I plant myself in front of the closet perfectly poised, with fur groomed, paws place strategically in front of me, my blue eyes wide open and I just watch her feigning complete interest......for about 20 minutes. It took longer than I thought but it all starts....
"Annie....do I look plump in this dress?"
"Annie......do you like this outfit?"
"Annie.....is this flattering on me?"
There is only one way to escape.......either throw up with a hairball or......become amused with our new interior water fountain. I choose.....hairball throw up. Works every time. I can only surmise that after the closet organization we will be watching a movie together. I do not think that many of my species is forced to endure this torture.
My day started out on a fabulous note. She was out of the house by 7:14 AM on a Saturday which basically left me with a wide open platform of depositing large clumps of fur and otherwise wreaking havoc. As I was in the middle of my pre dinner slumber I awoke to those ever peering eyes and a ludicrous statement. "Hi Annie....what are you doing?" I am sleeping before my fresh allotment of Iams Hairball reducer chicken flavor! What do you think I am doing? "Annie...were you on the dining room table?" She asks while examining herself in the mirror.
"No."
"Are you sure Annie?" She asks me
"Yes."
"But Annie..there is fur on the table runner."
"Well....clean it up." I tell her while cleaning my left paw which needs attention.
"But Annie...you know you are not allowed on the tables"
"Yes...I am fully aware of rule #104. They are all posted on the refrigerator"
"Well Annie.....you CAN NOT do that again."
"Duly noted Mommy Dearest."
Now we are off to re-organize the closet and I am going to help. After a while she will be so self absorbed that I will go off and chew on her files in her briefcase. She will have no idea until Monday when she pulls them out.
I plant myself in front of the closet perfectly poised, with fur groomed, paws place strategically in front of me, my blue eyes wide open and I just watch her feigning complete interest......for about 20 minutes. It took longer than I thought but it all starts....
"Annie....do I look plump in this dress?"
"Annie......do you like this outfit?"
"Annie.....is this flattering on me?"
There is only one way to escape.......either throw up with a hairball or......become amused with our new interior water fountain. I choose.....hairball throw up. Works every time. I can only surmise that after the closet organization we will be watching a movie together. I do not think that many of my species is forced to endure this torture.
Thursday, February 19
How the digital conversion will effect my life
Hi....it's me....Annie Grace.....
I have no idea about this digital conversion. How long have they been announcing it? What is wrong with this world? This is the news headlines for a year now and especially now. They actually have a hot line and walk-in clinic for those who have not heard about it and don't know what to do. Now seriously.....if you did not know about it then you must not watch TV so....what's the big deal? I have tried to text Obama and let him know we should just categorize this bunch as....idiots...and there is no need for a hot line it's a waste of our money. It's like a hot line for cooking a turkey ON Thanksgiving Day....You have had 364 days to prepare and NOW you need help cooking a turkey? At these moments I am appreciative of my Type A /neurotic keeper....those moments are fleeting ......but in this case. First I should add we have cable so there is no effect on my life. It's like taxes....you know when the deadline is, it's fine if you wait until the last minute (apparently..WE do.) but you know when they are due. It's no surprise. I am suspect that the people who "need more time" or "had no idea" are the same ones who had political signs in their yards .....which clearly has hindered the real estate market, and also those who still have Christmas lights and decor outside. I have also text Obama with my idea for a Stimulus Package. It's quite brilliant. I realize the focus is bridges, roads, car industry and housing BUT.....hear me out on my idea.
Give everyone a "Make up/Make over allowance.
If everyone got $2,000 to spend at Sephora, Bloomingdale's, teeth whitening, a spa for treatments or clothing then....
They would look better, feel better and more single people would get dates, married people would have a new spark in their lives, people would smile more which would trigger an increase in the flower industry- flowers would be sent like crazy, restaurants - eating out for romantic evenings, weekends away, traveling to get away-thus helping the gas and car industry, spa's would make money, and the fashion industry would not be hurting-people would pay more attention and dress better. The biggest concern is the fashion industry. Think about all the negative effect that many designers chose not to participate this year or that the major sponsor is McDonald's....NO CHAMPAGNE! Coffee? At a fashion show? Ghastly indeed. How we will know what to wear this spring? We will all just look awful. There is only so much Glamour and Cosmo can educate you on. We need our fashion runways! (I think that is what Obama has in part of his package......runways.) Anyway....I am horrified that this brilliant idea may be overlooked.
I have no idea about this digital conversion. How long have they been announcing it? What is wrong with this world? This is the news headlines for a year now and especially now. They actually have a hot line and walk-in clinic for those who have not heard about it and don't know what to do. Now seriously.....if you did not know about it then you must not watch TV so....what's the big deal? I have tried to text Obama and let him know we should just categorize this bunch as....idiots...and there is no need for a hot line it's a waste of our money. It's like a hot line for cooking a turkey ON Thanksgiving Day....You have had 364 days to prepare and NOW you need help cooking a turkey? At these moments I am appreciative of my Type A /neurotic keeper....those moments are fleeting ......but in this case. First I should add we have cable so there is no effect on my life. It's like taxes....you know when the deadline is, it's fine if you wait until the last minute (apparently..WE do.) but you know when they are due. It's no surprise. I am suspect that the people who "need more time" or "had no idea" are the same ones who had political signs in their yards .....which clearly has hindered the real estate market, and also those who still have Christmas lights and decor outside. I have also text Obama with my idea for a Stimulus Package. It's quite brilliant. I realize the focus is bridges, roads, car industry and housing BUT.....hear me out on my idea.
Give everyone a "Make up/Make over allowance.
If everyone got $2,000 to spend at Sephora, Bloomingdale's, teeth whitening, a spa for treatments or clothing then....
They would look better, feel better and more single people would get dates, married people would have a new spark in their lives, people would smile more which would trigger an increase in the flower industry- flowers would be sent like crazy, restaurants - eating out for romantic evenings, weekends away, traveling to get away-thus helping the gas and car industry, spa's would make money, and the fashion industry would not be hurting-people would pay more attention and dress better. The biggest concern is the fashion industry. Think about all the negative effect that many designers chose not to participate this year or that the major sponsor is McDonald's....NO CHAMPAGNE! Coffee? At a fashion show? Ghastly indeed. How we will know what to wear this spring? We will all just look awful. There is only so much Glamour and Cosmo can educate you on. We need our fashion runways! (I think that is what Obama has in part of his package......runways.) Anyway....I am horrified that this brilliant idea may be overlooked.
Monday, February 16
Dear Yoda
Hi....it's me...Annie Grace....
I feel that my dear friend Yoda has felt neglected so I have some time while The Lady is in the kitchen making 50 jalapenos stuffed with sausage and cream cheese so she can freeze them for appetizers. Let's just say that should there be a situation in which people are without power or food....come here. We can eat for a month with what she has prepared and frozen. No....seriously. So here I go...
Dear Yoda,
My dear southern friend who is quite the sarcastic one. I am well. I fully am aware that only paint should come in a can not pet food which is why my food comes in these fabulous tin Tupperware like containers. As you know my ration is one tablespoon which is only administered in the morning at 7:00 am. Without my wake up call to The Lady I am fearful that it would be hours until I receive my appointed portion. One measly tablespoon!!! That's it! Yoda, I can still smell your scent in this house. I know it has been almost 1 year since you have been here......but your scent is lingering so I am fully reminded everyday that I am not the only prisoner that has been held captive. You....managed to escape to the southern territories in which people actually say hello. Count your blessings. Your old abode looks nothing like you left it. Yes....there is now a dog that resides there but let's just say.......he is not as worldly as you. Your old abode has depreciated even more so once again...count your blessings. In regards to Kenny Chesney....The Lady would prefer George Clooney and Hugh Jackman (in that order) before Kenny as they seem a tad more funny. Please..in regard to geographic locations and The Lady's lack of knowledge.....it would be best not to educate her as now she will realize how little she knows. I like to keep her happy and sometimes....ignorance is bliss. (No....seriously. In her case it is best!) We are contemplating entering the Daisy Duke contest but I am trying sooooo hard to avoid that topic with her as it could now result in her going back to blond. (I am confident you see my dilemma.) Now I offer you my prayers
May your southern paws never feel snow again, may the gate keepers of your life allow you canned dog food and may you someday come back to sleep over night and snore/snort so loudly the whole house can not sleep. Amen.
I feel that my dear friend Yoda has felt neglected so I have some time while The Lady is in the kitchen making 50 jalapenos stuffed with sausage and cream cheese so she can freeze them for appetizers. Let's just say that should there be a situation in which people are without power or food....come here. We can eat for a month with what she has prepared and frozen. No....seriously. So here I go...
Dear Yoda,
My dear southern friend who is quite the sarcastic one. I am well. I fully am aware that only paint should come in a can not pet food which is why my food comes in these fabulous tin Tupperware like containers. As you know my ration is one tablespoon which is only administered in the morning at 7:00 am. Without my wake up call to The Lady I am fearful that it would be hours until I receive my appointed portion. One measly tablespoon!!! That's it! Yoda, I can still smell your scent in this house. I know it has been almost 1 year since you have been here......but your scent is lingering so I am fully reminded everyday that I am not the only prisoner that has been held captive. You....managed to escape to the southern territories in which people actually say hello. Count your blessings. Your old abode looks nothing like you left it. Yes....there is now a dog that resides there but let's just say.......he is not as worldly as you. Your old abode has depreciated even more so once again...count your blessings. In regards to Kenny Chesney....The Lady would prefer George Clooney and Hugh Jackman (in that order) before Kenny as they seem a tad more funny. Please..in regard to geographic locations and The Lady's lack of knowledge.....it would be best not to educate her as now she will realize how little she knows. I like to keep her happy and sometimes....ignorance is bliss. (No....seriously. In her case it is best!) We are contemplating entering the Daisy Duke contest but I am trying sooooo hard to avoid that topic with her as it could now result in her going back to blond. (I am confident you see my dilemma.) Now I offer you my prayers
May your southern paws never feel snow again, may the gate keepers of your life allow you canned dog food and may you someday come back to sleep over night and snore/snort so loudly the whole house can not sleep. Amen.
We have a handy MAN
Hi......it's me...Annie Grace...
I was napping......for about 3 1/2 hours...... I wake up and gasped. Is that a man's voice? Quickly I scramble to my feet, check my fur to make sure it is shiny and fluffy, wash rapidly behind my ears and head downstairs. It is indeed a man. I immediately open my eyes wider on two accounts. One to make sure I was not dreaming and two to make sure the blue in my eyes is vivid. Seeing as I am not brazen like The Lady, I sashay over to him quite demur (once again...read my profile) and with a little "shake". It works every time. Now The Lady is glaring at me. Look Lady...all is fair in love and war! I can snag him first. I even help him fix the shower drain..as opposed to Mommy Dearest who is now chatting on the phone. By now clearly he is smitten with me, so....I leave and go off to nap. Mission accomplished, pretend like you are interested and then coyly leave. The Lady could learn from me Plus....he's married so I am confident he will not rescue me or help to plot my escape. Next thing I know (after he leaves) she is waking me up and shoving some tool in my face. "Look Annie....look what I got! It even has a built in level!" She says while on the verge of hyperventilating It's a very high powered drill which is frightening me. I have patiently tried to explain that she should not be operating this kind of machinery....stick to a curling iron and blow dryer. I am confident that we will spend the entire evening moving pictures on the walls and making sure they are perfectly straight. Trust me....this will go on for the next couple of nights as she looks for more chores. As I stare at her.....willing her to leave me alone I imagine that I am living in my villa in Italy with a normal "keeper/slave" that will just feed me, clean my litter box and does not feel compelled share all aspects of her life with me and foremost....does not have such an array of tools.
I was napping......for about 3 1/2 hours...... I wake up and gasped. Is that a man's voice? Quickly I scramble to my feet, check my fur to make sure it is shiny and fluffy, wash rapidly behind my ears and head downstairs. It is indeed a man. I immediately open my eyes wider on two accounts. One to make sure I was not dreaming and two to make sure the blue in my eyes is vivid. Seeing as I am not brazen like The Lady, I sashay over to him quite demur (once again...read my profile) and with a little "shake". It works every time. Now The Lady is glaring at me. Look Lady...all is fair in love and war! I can snag him first. I even help him fix the shower drain..as opposed to Mommy Dearest who is now chatting on the phone. By now clearly he is smitten with me, so....I leave and go off to nap. Mission accomplished, pretend like you are interested and then coyly leave. The Lady could learn from me Plus....he's married so I am confident he will not rescue me or help to plot my escape. Next thing I know (after he leaves) she is waking me up and shoving some tool in my face. "Look Annie....look what I got! It even has a built in level!" She says while on the verge of hyperventilating It's a very high powered drill which is frightening me. I have patiently tried to explain that she should not be operating this kind of machinery....stick to a curling iron and blow dryer. I am confident that we will spend the entire evening moving pictures on the walls and making sure they are perfectly straight. Trust me....this will go on for the next couple of nights as she looks for more chores. As I stare at her.....willing her to leave me alone I imagine that I am living in my villa in Italy with a normal "keeper/slave" that will just feed me, clean my litter box and does not feel compelled share all aspects of her life with me and foremost....does not have such an array of tools.
Thursday, February 12
The Rock Star has left
Hi....It's me....Annie Grace,
It has been quite stressful for me the last couple of days. I am about ready to throw up. First, The Rock Star arrives with a huge heavy suitcase, now I grow very worried that she is here for more than a weekend. As she drags it in...I examine it with grave concern. Then she proceeds to open it and pull out numerous bottles of wine which I am able to have some relief as to WHY the suitcase is so heavy, next she drags out items of clothing most of which have fur trim, things hanging from them and most look like they need an instruction manual to put on. As they uncork one bottle I quickly make my way upstairs to find which items of clothing I shall rest on. Preferable black or navy...as my fur is more apparent. After analyzing the world, men and life in general over fermented grape juice off they go with a cloud of perfume left in their wake. I wait...and wait...all evening. Finally they arrive home.....loudly and late after meeting The Bean who also is in town. The Bean brought her mother and also dragged her to "Happy Hour". Apparently "Happy Hour" is more than ....an hour, with or without adult supervision. The whole weekend they blow in and then blow out. Next DiDi arrives......and we repeat it all over again. I might add the part about being locked in The Lady's closet for a bit but that is too traumatic for me to discuss again. So basically it's me......home...alone...holding down the abode. Needless to say, life is back to normal now. With all the snow gone I can hopefully breath a sigh of relief that there will be no more snow days...together, no more white fur hat and most of all no fox hunting. But that is just a fantasy. Now I am forced to sit and help The Lady figure out if the high heels are now possible for day time wear with the snow gone. Personally I could care less and would rather go sleep on top of the leather chair pretending I am an ornamental decoration which she can not see. But I don't. I feign interest and point out that perhaps she should try ALL of them on to make sure her ankles have not swelled. This should sent her into a tailspin for about 4 hours. Ciao
It has been quite stressful for me the last couple of days. I am about ready to throw up. First, The Rock Star arrives with a huge heavy suitcase, now I grow very worried that she is here for more than a weekend. As she drags it in...I examine it with grave concern. Then she proceeds to open it and pull out numerous bottles of wine which I am able to have some relief as to WHY the suitcase is so heavy, next she drags out items of clothing most of which have fur trim, things hanging from them and most look like they need an instruction manual to put on. As they uncork one bottle I quickly make my way upstairs to find which items of clothing I shall rest on. Preferable black or navy...as my fur is more apparent. After analyzing the world, men and life in general over fermented grape juice off they go with a cloud of perfume left in their wake. I wait...and wait...all evening. Finally they arrive home.....loudly and late after meeting The Bean who also is in town. The Bean brought her mother and also dragged her to "Happy Hour". Apparently "Happy Hour" is more than ....an hour, with or without adult supervision. The whole weekend they blow in and then blow out. Next DiDi arrives......and we repeat it all over again. I might add the part about being locked in The Lady's closet for a bit but that is too traumatic for me to discuss again. So basically it's me......home...alone...holding down the abode. Needless to say, life is back to normal now. With all the snow gone I can hopefully breath a sigh of relief that there will be no more snow days...together, no more white fur hat and most of all no fox hunting. But that is just a fantasy. Now I am forced to sit and help The Lady figure out if the high heels are now possible for day time wear with the snow gone. Personally I could care less and would rather go sleep on top of the leather chair pretending I am an ornamental decoration which she can not see. But I don't. I feign interest and point out that perhaps she should try ALL of them on to make sure her ankles have not swelled. This should sent her into a tailspin for about 4 hours. Ciao
Thursday, February 5
The Rock Star is coming....and we have bonded
Hi......It's me....Annie Grace.....
It has been just cold here. Last night I was up stairs taking a pre-bedtime nap and I could hear a constant calling of my name which I completely ignored figuring she was just going to ask me if I liked some outfit or new blending of eyeshadow. Finally after about 1 1/2 hours I could still hear her so I figured I had tortured her enough and came skulking down to deal with her constant need for my attention. As I strolled in...I gasped. There ....was the end of a roaring fire! She is on the couch with a very trashy novel, fermented grape juice and MY blanket. Why did she not tell me? Quickly I took up my perch in front of the fire gazing intently sending more telepathic SOS signals. What is wrong with her? She knows I love a fire. I have made a mental note of this. I will be just as selfish tomorrow morning when I arise quite early and although usually leave her to be for a while......what I thought was...NO. Should I just swipe the Mary Kay lip balm harder? Throw up in the middle of the night? Wake up and use the litter box trying to scratch my way through the litter box to Poland? With all of my malice put aside for now we now sit together in peace. Then she jumps up and starts rummaging through the liquor cabinet hiding all the finest. Still perched angelically in front of the fire, I pretend not to notice her....praying and hoping she will not lure me into her clutches. I knew it! Here she comes with that sappy look in her eye. "Oh Annie....come cuddle with me."
No
"Oh Annie....let me pet you."
No
"Oh Annie...let me hold you."
No
Grasped in her clutches, I actually have a moment of weakness. Call it a lack of "Nip" or just pathetic....I sit in her arms. Watching the clock tick by for about 20 minutes...I figured that was enough. Before I leave I ask her why she is hiding all the fine liquor. The Rock Star is coming. I now am off to hide my most finest belongings including my "Nip", vacating the guest room and basically happy that there will be a distraction. The bonding that took place...will not happen again.
It has been just cold here. Last night I was up stairs taking a pre-bedtime nap and I could hear a constant calling of my name which I completely ignored figuring she was just going to ask me if I liked some outfit or new blending of eyeshadow. Finally after about 1 1/2 hours I could still hear her so I figured I had tortured her enough and came skulking down to deal with her constant need for my attention. As I strolled in...I gasped. There ....was the end of a roaring fire! She is on the couch with a very trashy novel, fermented grape juice and MY blanket. Why did she not tell me? Quickly I took up my perch in front of the fire gazing intently sending more telepathic SOS signals. What is wrong with her? She knows I love a fire. I have made a mental note of this. I will be just as selfish tomorrow morning when I arise quite early and although usually leave her to be for a while......what I thought was...NO. Should I just swipe the Mary Kay lip balm harder? Throw up in the middle of the night? Wake up and use the litter box trying to scratch my way through the litter box to Poland? With all of my malice put aside for now we now sit together in peace. Then she jumps up and starts rummaging through the liquor cabinet hiding all the finest. Still perched angelically in front of the fire, I pretend not to notice her....praying and hoping she will not lure me into her clutches. I knew it! Here she comes with that sappy look in her eye. "Oh Annie....come cuddle with me."
No
"Oh Annie....let me pet you."
No
"Oh Annie...let me hold you."
No
Grasped in her clutches, I actually have a moment of weakness. Call it a lack of "Nip" or just pathetic....I sit in her arms. Watching the clock tick by for about 20 minutes...I figured that was enough. Before I leave I ask her why she is hiding all the fine liquor. The Rock Star is coming. I now am off to hide my most finest belongings including my "Nip", vacating the guest room and basically happy that there will be a distraction. The bonding that took place...will not happen again.
Sunday, February 1
Protecting her from a purple mouse
Hi.....it's me....Annie Grace.....
I have been upstairs pretending I am a spy being chased by a 10 foot purple mouse. Running like I am in fear for my life. Rattling as much as I can until I hear "Annie, what are you doing?". I am trying to save my life! Don't you see the huge 10 foot mouse? Are you blind? It won't leave me alone!
I am suspect that she is ......
A. Too self absorbed to see it
B. Needs a dose of my nip to actually enhance it from invisible to horrifying
C. Being over 40 has really affected her vision
D. Lives in her own world...once again corresponding with "A"
E. Is too scared to come upstairs.
Needless to say, I killed this mouse after about 44 minutes of battle. I sashay into the kitchen expecting a huge reward for not only saving myself but her and Fred ...The Fox. The fanfare is minimal, not quite what I expected. A morsel of Wisker Lickens and a pat on the head. Now I spend about 67 minutes on red alert. .... spooked by every sound, staring out the window, my pupils dilated (maybe as a result of the nip but she has no idea) and walking sideways. Right now she is having a 20 minute conversation with someone about septic systems.....once again I say..why is she single? Sewerage discharge might not be appealing to Hugh, George or Kenny. Matter of fact...TO ANYONE! But she is happily discussing trenches, elgins and pumps. There was a day when the word "pumps" meant Stewart Weitzman's latest design for high heels. I am suspect that the economic conditions and changing real estate market has taken on new meaning for many words.
Word
Old meaning /New meaning
Pumps
High Heels /Sump,well or septic
Suit
Tahari spring line /Suit of armor for foreclosed properties
Lip Color
Mary Kay lipstick /Blistex with a hint of color
Gloves
Red leather fur lined from Florence /Protective unfeminine things
Lunch /
Cobb Salad w/chicken($5.99) /Grilled cheese w/tomato ($1.95)
Cocktail
Premium martini /Chardonnay in a box
Showing
Potential sale /Waste of time-driveway not plowed
House
Someones dream /Someones nightmare
Hair Appointmentt
2 hour beauty session /Trip to CVS to buy Loreal color in a box
Buyers
Happy! /Scared to death!
Sellers
Happy! /Scared to death!
Communication
Phone call /Text, Scan,email, Facebook & phone call
Beauty Treatment
Pedicure & facial /Hand sanitizer
We are now spending the day together......me recouping from my battle and her organizing her closet.
I have been upstairs pretending I am a spy being chased by a 10 foot purple mouse. Running like I am in fear for my life. Rattling as much as I can until I hear "Annie, what are you doing?". I am trying to save my life! Don't you see the huge 10 foot mouse? Are you blind? It won't leave me alone!
I am suspect that she is ......
A. Too self absorbed to see it
B. Needs a dose of my nip to actually enhance it from invisible to horrifying
C. Being over 40 has really affected her vision
D. Lives in her own world...once again corresponding with "A"
E. Is too scared to come upstairs.
Needless to say, I killed this mouse after about 44 minutes of battle. I sashay into the kitchen expecting a huge reward for not only saving myself but her and Fred ...The Fox. The fanfare is minimal, not quite what I expected. A morsel of Wisker Lickens and a pat on the head. Now I spend about 67 minutes on red alert. .... spooked by every sound, staring out the window, my pupils dilated (maybe as a result of the nip but she has no idea) and walking sideways. Right now she is having a 20 minute conversation with someone about septic systems.....once again I say..why is she single? Sewerage discharge might not be appealing to Hugh, George or Kenny. Matter of fact...TO ANYONE! But she is happily discussing trenches, elgins and pumps. There was a day when the word "pumps" meant Stewart Weitzman's latest design for high heels. I am suspect that the economic conditions and changing real estate market has taken on new meaning for many words.
Word
Old meaning /New meaning
Pumps
High Heels /Sump,well or septic
Suit
Tahari spring line /Suit of armor for foreclosed properties
Lip Color
Mary Kay lipstick /Blistex with a hint of color
Gloves
Red leather fur lined from Florence /Protective unfeminine things
Lunch /
Cobb Salad w/chicken($5.99) /Grilled cheese w/tomato ($1.95)
Cocktail
Premium martini /Chardonnay in a box
Showing
Potential sale /Waste of time-driveway not plowed
House
Someones dream /Someones nightmare
Hair Appointmentt
2 hour beauty session /Trip to CVS to buy Loreal color in a box
Buyers
Happy! /Scared to death!
Sellers
Happy! /Scared to death!
Communication
Phone call /Text, Scan,email, Facebook & phone call
Beauty Treatment
Pedicure & facial /Hand sanitizer
We are now spending the day together......me recouping from my battle and her organizing her closet.
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