Wildlife

Hi....it's me Annie Grace....

A.K.A-Ranger Rick

I thought I should back up my stories of the wildlife this year. The Fox and Skunk (only one not the other 3) have already been posted but these varmints have yet to be displayed.

Let's start with The Gray Tree Frog.

It's GREEN! Why would you name it that? Is the yellow Labrador really white?

The White trespassing cat

"......And forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us".

Now I see where that comes from. There is even a prayer about this thing.

The Turkey Vulture

Yes, it's eating a dead skunk in front of the house.

Has anyone seen the size of these things? They are HUGE. I almost fell off my window sill when I saw this. WHY is it a Turkey Vulture? Are there Chicken Vultures? Veal Vultures?

A Long Eared Rabbit

The Lady said I remind her of a rabbit. I fail to see any resemblance of this dumb thing that will be eaten by a fox within 48 hours.

Perhaps now you can see why we traveled this summer. Clearly we are back to reality as she walks in tonight and I politely ask her where she was, how her day was and remind her they make waterproof mascara and eyeliner which she should have used.

"Oh Annie Grace, I had an open house and then a showing at a waterfront house." Keep in mind it is raining pigs and dogs today with a nice gustily SE wind. Did she not have an umbrella? I decide that pointing out yet more of her flaws nor her hair would be the best thing today so I ask exactly what an open house REALLY is.

"Oh Annie, It's when you advertise to the entire public that any stranger can come into this house for two hours unsupervised, regardless if they have any money, ever intend to buy a house, scour for decorating ideas and just basically wander around."

I gasp. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Strangers? In a house? The sellers really want this?

"Oh yes Annie. They love it. Anyone can come. Felons, over medicated people and even crazy people. Since they are bursting with pride that their house is the best thing in the entire world sellers want everyone to see as at least 100 people will certainly pay top dollar."

So you were busy Mommy Dearest? I ask.

"Oh no Annie. No one came".

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Hi

Hi....it's me.....Annie Grace.......

Here we have an "event" or "function" as these wine drinking vixens like to call their excuse to go out and drink wine. I am not making this stuff up! This is a night at the theater to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels at a fabulous theater, by the sea, and they choose the closest establishment to the theater that just happens to have 2 for 1 dinners. I am suspect that the bar bill exceeded the food portion. At least here they look relatively tame and with a time deadline of opening curtain I suspect there will be no pole dancing tonight. I should add that this is just one more night I sit up and wait for her Highness to arrive home. By myself. Alone. Without company. Solo.

I have asked exactly where this fits into our budget and am told it falls under Education/Grocery (food was involved) just as I am told her pedicure for this Event" falls under Medical /Mental Health. Next I should focus your attention on our Hurricane Kit, or lack of I should say. We have had yet two close calls and I am yet to see proof of my safety.

Here is Hurricane Bill which turned out to be a complete let down but to my benefit as I have no hurricane preparedness here. She is off getting photos of the storm instead of protecting our domicile all while I am suspect there is no "kit". I will be forced to feast on dead skunk remnants in the road. I might also add this is the same weekend that she is riveted on Ted Kennedy's funeral sobbing that Camelot is over. I have no idea what she is talking about nor the patience to listen to another fairytale. Wake up Dorothy! Your not in Kansas anymore.

I am home from my summer vacation

Hi....it's me....Annie Grace,

I know sooooo many people have been wondering where I went. Well.... let me start from the begining.

After weeks of rain in which I was very suspect that I had been kidnapped and placed in Seattle, battling 4 skunks, 1 possum, 2 fox, a tree frog plastered to the glass door and 1 long eared rabbit I awoke to find a stretch limo at the front door, a drop dead gorgeous driver with ripped abs and a note from George Clooney instructing us to get in the limo and we were being whisked off to his yacht for a month in the south of France and the to Canne finally ending up in his home in Italy for the month of August. I dutifully went. Without my Wisker Lickens Beach Part Flavor. We were chased by Sea Pirates for a bit and shot at by island people but all in all it was quite fun. I know it sounds like the latest trashy novel The Lady is reading but I seriously believe it happened! I am forced to be on 24 hour predator patrol as we have been ambushed by Marlin Perkins Wild Kingdom. My song birds are being threatened by a white uninvited cat who stalks the feeders. I will hill him. The Lady has cut her hair, actually The Rock Star did it after a martini, proclaiming it gives her a VERY European look. It does not. She asked me if I wanted to cut my hair as well and I just gave her The HHTT Look, dilated my pupils which she actually understood and promptly put the shears down. Why oh Why would I cut my gorgeous hair. What would I deposit in clumps around the house? Is she daft?

So in summary, we are home...... living on a yacht is just too barbaric, Canne was too hot, and decided that George was just a fling as there are so many endless possibilities here in Mayberry. Sorry for not being better about my Blog this summer but to Fig and The Librarian, Smitty and Babs.......... I have returned!

Serpico The Skunk Part 3...The Final Chapter

Hi.......it's me......Annie Grace......

Here he is....Serpico The Skunk in captivity. 4 nights of waiting and off he goes to State Park. To which I might add for everyone who is "sooooo happy I spared his measly beady little nose and body without gun powder"....he is off to a vicinity which is surrounded by campgrounds. So, all those who are thrilled he is alive......happy camping!

On Monday morning when we awoke both of us were weary with disappointments. Alas....how could we possibly score with Serpico? But there he was! Just staring out with that beady nose looking at The Lady like she would possibly save him. Pleeeease.......she has a camera and shot gun! We (actually it was The Lady he called DOA and promptly told them to "escort him off the property". Seriously...WHO talks like that?) Within minutes he is "escorted off the property" and now we are just left with vagrant flies looking for the cat food remnants. I have put the shot gun away for the next varmint and will now rest peacefully. The Lady is now looking at me with WAY too much mascara on today exclaiming that we now have to have some one barricade the deck. I could care less at this point so I throw up and head off to my leather chair. Adios Serpico!

Annie.......Get your gun!

Hi....it's me.....Annie Grace.........

I have my shot gun and am now on window watch for Serpico ....Our Skunk. I can not wait for this botched operation to unfold. I will sit here until dusk plotting my escape as well as watching for the skunk. The pressure on me is enormous. 2 nights of failure indicate to me that we need a full proof method. Weapons. I removed the gun from the closet and after cleaning it (remember...cleanliness counts) I then ate my 4 wisker lickens ration of party ocean flavor for strength and sit. If you were a skunk and got captured lured by cat food...then escaped would you go back in the cage the next night? I think not. Meanwhile The Lady is now dressing in her finest black Tahari pants and a black tunic from Calvin Klein and has managed to add to the costume Urban Decay Twice Baked Quad of eye shadow which will glimmer in the moonlight. I ignore her and stay at my post. I have now dubbed this.....Operation Failure.

Serpico the skunk.....part 2

Hi.....it's me......Annie Grace......

The trap has now been reinforced with plastic ties. 2 of them. We patiently wait for dusk. Everything is ready......Mag-light, camera, binoculars, shimmery pale peach lip gloss, a splash of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue, night vision goggles and we wait. The covert operation is perfectly planned. I am fully aware that something will go down tonight outside the back door and I also take up my post peering out the window on my back two feet .....ready for battle. Finally at 9:00PM we turn off all the lights, silent the phones and go into sniper position. I can hear the clock ticking....and ticking....and ticking. Finally I get bored and ask The Lady to check on the time. It's 9:40! Where is Serpico? We have to tell everyone on Facebook to PLEASE be quiet.....Serpico could possible be given a tip that we are on to him with every one now knowing.

I am suspect our mission has been thwarted by a spy. Which one I am not sure but if I had to guess I would say Our Fox. The Toad is back but laying low and I am quite certain he would not defect. Let's just say it was a very disappointing morning here because I have yet another night to endure Operation Serpico.....round 3.

Serpico the skunk.......Part 1

Hi.....it's me.....Annie Grace......

It is complete chaos here. Let me recap last night. The trap is set for Serpico and as The Lady has NO patience she proceeds to check it every 5 minutes starting at 8:30. Finally at 9 PM as she walks out to check....Serpico sticks his beady little nose out from under the deck and of course.....because she WAS THERE.....he went back under. 10 minutes later when she can not wait any longer, she looks again (I actually look with her from the window but could not really see because she was hogging the window so I jumped up on the dining table to which there was no screaming at me because she was possessed with victory).....he is TRAPPED! Now she proceeds to take pictures of him.

I am quite certain......this is not normal. I know that if I was trapped, being photographed would irritate me. Personally I heard the guy at DOA specifically tell her not to antagonize him. I think this is what he meant. Now she is feeling quite victorious about the trapping and is now goggling how to get a trappers license as the declining real estate market might not rebound quickly so this could be a "side job". About 16 minutes go by and she can not help herself she starts to head outside again. I myself go to bed. Now she comes flying back in the house and I just about fell off the bed as she is hyperventilating to me "Annie.......Serpico escaped. He is gone and he ate all the cat food in the trap". Well of course he did!!! He was trapped.

He went out the back door.

Needless to say you can well imagine what is in store for tonight. Our covert operation will continue. I myself and going on line to see exactly how to remove being sprayed by a skunk.

Serpico....our skunk

Hi....it's me.....Annie Grace...........

Let me start from the beginning. Yesterday as I was demurely sitting in front of the glass front door silently watch my workers take care of the yard I would elegantly swish my tail pretending I had some interest in them. I actually did as the birds began to boar me. Next I hear the rumble of the UPS man. I have a bond with him as I watch him daily deliver on the street. I named him Earl, and I expect he will be dropping his fabulous packages across the street and will then wave to me upon departing. I patiently wait for him to emerge from the truck and run across the street (they work VERY hard....seriously.....have you ever seen a fat UPS man???). Now I gasp..... he is heading to our front door. I wave one paw and silently yell....Hey Earl.....TAKE IT BACK!.... We are on a budget! He drops the package at the front door and takes off with a wave. I spend the next 30 minutes trying to get a look at the return sender and finally after balancing on the corner of the couch while looking side wise out the window....I see it. SEPHORA!! I knew she would cave. Like any good caregiver I wait for her to return and confront her. Hey Lady.....you got a package. She freezes and slowly turns to face me. "Well Annie....I am quite certain it is a gift" she tells me...blatantly lying. Really....a gift? "Well Annie....what else could it be. I would never order Urban Decay Twice Baked Summer Quad of eyeshadow complete with primer and shimmery brown eyeliner, nor the Bare Minerals beginners set of foundation." she tells me while looking up at the ceiling fan. You lie!!!! I turn and leave the room in disgust. Now she is running after me exclaiming it was free shipping and came with 3 free samples. I have nothing to say to her except the colors really are striking on her. (Yes....she has already applied it. ) That is just the beginning of the evening. If the colors did not look so good on her.....she would be grounded. With a new spring in her step based on new product she is now pulling all my toys out of my "toy basket" exclaiming we should "play". Playing is not part of my agenda so......I ignore her. She heads outside before we retire off to bed to check her freshly cleaned deck (don't ask.......it's been a 3 day project which would be better left to a professional but apparently everyone at Home Depot was "so helpful" .........she did it herself) and comes flying back in the house. "Oh Annie......a skunk is living under our deck. It just walked by me." she is hyperventilating to me. I distract her by asking what is his name. Serpico is what I am told. As you can imagine.......DOA extermination is now on the job today. We have a trap. This will be our evening amusement after a one hour dissertation of how this new make up will "change our lives". We will provide photos once Serpico is caught.

Mercury....The Divine Messenger

This is Mercury........the Divine messenger

Hi.....it's me Annie Grace,

I can only say one thing......Mercury has left Retrograde.

At 05:01 UT (Universal Time), on Thursday, May 7th, 2009, Mercury the cosmic trickster turns retrograde at 1°44' Gemini, in the sign of the Twins, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! The retro period begins some days before the actual turning point (as Mercury slows) and lasts for three weeks or so, until May 31, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.
Everything finally straightens out on June 14, as he passes the point where he first turned retrograde, just before Jupiter turns retrograde in Aquarius. Mercury normally turns retrograde three times a year, but this year he turns tail four times, which is unusual. The effects of each period differ, according to the sign in which it happens (see box for Retrograde Periods in 2009).

I am not making this stuff up. I don't even know my horoscope as my date of birth is a complete mystery to me

In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially those who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves.
Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.
It is not exactly wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print!

Now this has effected our lives tremendously. Basically the entire world is just plain....nuts! Being a feline writer I felt it was best to refrain from my writings as I MIGHT be misunderstood. Besides the fact Mommy Dearest requires my undivided attention when she does arrive home .......quite in a tizzy. Let's start with last night. Arriving home on a Friday night at 7:15PM from showing houses in the rain I started the conversation with reminding her to replenish her supply of waterproof mascara and the tactfully bring up the fact that I believe they have product for fighting hair frizz especially in the rain. She ignores me and rewards me with 4 pieces of Wisker Lickens Party Flavor Mix which means she is not listening.
"Oh Annie......guess what I was asked today. Someone called and wanted to know why their electric bill arrived AFTER they had closed on their house and what should they do?" she tells me. What part of a final bill did they not understand? I hop up to my chair at the table and listen to her.
"Then Annie a client called and asked why their social security check did not show up in their account under direct deposit."
I gave my ear a scratch and pondered. Did The Lady change careers? Did she leave real estate for social work? Should I sell her UGG's on EBay if she has indeed shifted careers and they will not be necessary if she has an office job?
"Oh Annie, then someone asked today at a showing what is this thing was on the wall? It was a thermostat."
Now I am intrigued my the complete ignorant statements humans make. What else do they say?
"Tonight someone asked if the sellers were moving. I told them that the sellers were not moving..... that they would be staying with the house along with the refrigerator." I am quite certain that probably went over their head.