New Years Resolutions

Hi.....it's me....Annie Grace.....

I have been contemplating my existence and purpose in life this morning.....all while resting. My main role here is to keep things under control, wake my sleeping Lady at 6:31 AM, keep her in shape by running around collecting my clumps of fur, continue to stimulate the economy by not having interest in any toy she buys me (this way she continues to buy more), and to point out her flaws daily which also helps with the excessive amount of make-up she experiments with. But....since New Years Resolutions are ridiculous and everybody will ask what yours are (which in really NONE of their business) I feel the need to make some up which will then help validate theirs. So.....we both made up ours this morning over Iams Hairball Reducer .....Chicken Flavored.

Annie Grace's Resolutions

1. I will try to eat my food without spilling it all over the floor....... at least once a week.

2. When I want to play/attack Mommy Dearest at 2 AM...... I will not touch her face

3. I will pretend that I am a normal cat and feign interest in one toy.

4. I have no weight issues so..... I will ask for more treats and increase my nip rations

5. I don't have a career so...... I will count my blessings that I don't

6. I will not become agitated when the neighbors mangy feline enters the perimeter lines of my land......I will just shoot him.....to eliminate my stress

7. If I need to sleep in the linen closet, after dumping the sheets on the floor.... I will let her know when I am done so she can put them back

8. I will not sleep on the dining room table when she is not looking......as much

9. Next year...when the Christmas Tree goes up....I will only drink the water in the stand once a day

10. Next year......I will NOT make any resolutions and glare at anyone that asks what they are

Mommy Dearest's Resolutions

(please...keep in mind she wrote these while watching The Today Show which has been discussing the real estate market dramatically turning around this year)

1. No more inexpensive wines. Must be 89 points or above.

2. Pick one hair color instead of experimenting each time....stop thinking there is a better one

3. Find Annie Grace the perfect toy

4. Find myself the most perfect black boots (after I find Annie her toy)

5. Find a fabulous Waterproof eyeliner

6. Ignore Annie Grace's fur clumps

7. Figure out how to work the remote controls and the iPod

8. Not to kick or yell at the dryer when jeans are a tad too tight. Realize it's because they have a design flaw....the dryer is not at fault

9. Not to blow my leaves on the neighbors property

10. Next Year....have more resolutions with substance

Happy New Year!

New Years Eve

Hi.......it's me......Annie Grace,

Here I am on the Eve of a New Year and already I can tell this year will be exhausting. It starts right now a voice I hear from below.

"Oh Annie.... Annie Grace....where are you?"

Where am I? It's 5:30 PM and I am sleeping in designated spot #94...... the 4th shelve of the linen closet. Does the sheets on the floor give you a clue Lady??? I moved them all out to get a better vantage point further back.

"Annie? Are you up there?"

I move back into the closet praying for a miracle so I continue my 6 hour slumber.

"Oh Annie....there you are! Do you want to come downstairs and watch me make a sauce with meatballs?" she says while sticking her face in the closet.

No.....I do not.

BUT.......I gather myself, feign interest in seeing her upon my awakening and saunter downstairs with her like a broken child. First of all I should tell you.....I will not see one minuscule tablespoon of meatball or sauce and second I am astounded of what attire she has managed to put together while I slept. As I make my way toward my feeding station (which I notice has a new dish....probably to match the other one so everything is just PERFECT) she is still chattering to me about her new eyeliner and asking me if she needs more. Any more of that stuff and you will look like a two bit hooker I tell her. Happily she continues making sauce all while admiring her reflection in the window.

"Really Annie.....I don't think it looks too heavy at all. In fact it is quite glamorous." she tells me. I take one paw and scratch behind my ear, clean the other paw and just stare at her.

"Well Annie maybe it's very dramatic but after all.....it's New Years Eve!" I am informed all while still staring at her. I slowly turn back around and scope out the snowfall from today from the front window. Are you going to shovel Mommy Dearest?

"No Annie....I am hoping it will melt by tomorrow and I don't want to smudge my new Eyeliner in Hocus Pocus (Black with shimmering flecks of green......in case you were not aware) with any sort of a sweat."

Smart thinking Mommy Dearest....no need to worry about the mailman, milkman or guests!

As we close another decade and I suffer through another year of madness filled with potions, lotion (aka.... GNP - Gorgeous Nanci Product), minuscule rations of Sheba and a basket full of 34 toys which I still will have no interest in I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

Love,

Annie Grace

Merry Christmas

Hi.......it's me....Annie Grace.....

Merry Christmas Everyone! This is me.....pathetically posing under the tree. The tree which is filled with glittery gaudy ornaments, some non-Christmas appropriate, some just gaudy and most immature! Just a moment of sympathy for my master and keeper to keep her FAR away for a couple of hours. First let me say.....she is home and I am so happy....all restraint went array which made me quite affectionate. I tried everything to restrain but quite frankly she left me alone overnight (please feel free to call DCYF) while she went to visit my "Family" to include neurotic cousin Manny (the Pound Cat, no papers, no pedigree, no pure breed). Why I can't go is beyond me but she mumbles something about cats traveling is not normal. Anyway... I digress. While she is now trying on 6 different varieties of lip gloss which I suspect are new.......I wanted to take a moment and say Merry Christmas!

Love,

Annie Grace Millin

Our Christmas Card

Hi...... it's me....Annie Grace.....
I have just awoke from my daily 6 hour nap and after sauntering downstairs, doing a perimeter check around the house, inspecting the tree to make sure I still have room to sleep under it and depositing large clumps of fur around the house.....I spot a bunch of Christmas cards that I have yet to inspect and chew on. As I read each and every one I scratch my head and lick my left paw in complete confusion. Are we in a recession? Does mail now cost as much as 1/2 of my Sheba minuscule portion of food? Did everyone travel this year and all the children are accelerating in after school sports? Are all people just "HAPPY AS A CLAM?" Perhaps even Tiger Woods is just embracing the fabulous changes in life? As the cloud of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue crossed in front of me and the grand entrance of Mommy Dearest blocks my vision, I glance up and just gasp...... what on earth is she wearing?
"Oh Hello Annie...how was your 6 hour nap? And how do I look?" she says while getting a tad close to my face. Matter of fact her lip gloss is blinding me and I suspect it is new. Today's outfit consists of the high Swell UGGs in Brunswick Brown (absolutely adorable but....I thought we were still in a recession) and once again her Skinny Jeans which I am suspect are not doing their job, and a white sweater which is fur trimmed and conveniently matches that STUPID white fur hat. Just where was she? Skiing in Aspen or shooting a new movie with George in Switzerland? Perhaps running yet another fantasy life in her head when she dressed? I vote for the latter!
Anyway.....I digress....the Christmas cards! I wrote one myself and want to share it.

Happy Holidays!
Our Clooney Family here has had a joyous year indeed. We started the year with a bang and refused to let our foreclosure on January 2nd dampen our spirits. We moved all of our belongings to our home on Lake Como while renting a little something here. We feel this has made our family unit sooooo much stronger. We managed to do some extensive traveling which the most memorable was to West Greenwich and due to the difficulty in getting there we thought the scenery was gorgeous and cherished every moment. Mystic, CT was quite lovely and even though Little George Jr broke into one of the yachts which was privately owned....we applaud his determination and curiosity. No charges were filed. Bravo Little George! Little George has yet to hear an acceptance on any of the 51 colleges he applied to but we continue to tell everyone that we are hopeful that they will not really be focusing on his grades and sure he will be accepted based on the joy he brings to all.
Our middle child Claire has now been settling in nicely after a small stint in the Juvenile Training Center. She LOVES being back home and has promised us to refrain from all future drug use. We are sooooo proud of her! We even love her new tattoos, which are so colorful and will blend in nicely with her up and coming wedding dress. The blessed nuptials will take place just days after her 16th birthday. We have not met the groom yet since he will be released in the next month or so. (His good behavior has made this possible early! Yeah!)
Our youngest Johnny has really been a good sport through this year. He did not make the basketball, football, squash, tennis or golf teams this year but still tried his hardest. His reading level has been upgraded to "fair" which has opened up new doors for him! He now knows how to read the menu at Wendy's! The stolen car charges have been buried thanks to a big payoff to the owner of the car who so graciously agreed that Johnny accidental took the car thinking it was ours.
George and Nanci continue to count their blessings and feel the bliss of 19 years of marriage are the rock that keeps the family successful and stable. Although George is still collecting unemployment ....thanks to the extended benefits the government keeps offering we are quite certain that he will continue to collect for another 3 years which leaves plenty of time for fishing and visiting with "the boys" at Dunkin Donuts. We continue to cherish his coffee buddies.
Nanci has been tackling the declining real estate market with full gusto! She continues to sit at many open houses with a smile and although the foreclosures and short sales dominate she is optimistic that it will all turn around real soon!
Annie Grace has settled in nicely since her arrival 1 1/2 years ago and manages to sleep 21.5 hours a day all while managing to ignore all of us of the remaining 2.5 hours a day only demanding attention 1 hour each day. We are quite sure she is happy.
We have soooo many blessings we can not even count them. We hope your family is as functional and happy as ours. If yours is not...... Sorry.
Love,
George, Nanci, Little George, Claire, Johnny and Annie Grace

Sleeping habits #301

Hi....it's me.......Annie Grace.....

Let's just say this day has been quite unsettling. I awoke....at 6:50 AM with much to my shock and dismay, realized I was minutes behind my appointed schedule. Earlier at 1:52 AM I sprung up from my nocturnal slumber just knowing that sleeping UNDER the covers might be a new and more comfortable mode of sleeping so........diligently she complied with my wishes and promptly lifted up the covers and I slipped under to sleep. After 1 hour and 3 minutes I realized that it really wasn't working and I was having horrible nightmares that Mommy Dearest would suffocate me due to the late night sleep position adjustment so I crawled over her and came back out to sleep on my fleece at her feet. I suspect that The Lady has no idea of the importance of sleeping adjustments throughout the evening.......(and day, for that matter) so I plan for the next 6 days to completely educate her, giving her a more rounded knowledgeable concept of A CAT'S NAP. Like everything in life.....learning can be hard and with enough practice one WILL get it! But anyway....I digress. I awoke to see snow. Yes, a whole bunch of beautiful snow which i can see from every window and door. 20.3 inches to be exact.
Knowing the importance of a shoveled walkway for The Milkman, Mailman and the really cute UPS man ......I jumped on her head.....3 times. Get up! It's time to shovel! Let's go!
She promptly obeys my commands and diligently rations my 1 measly Tablespoon of Sheba Chicken Flavor before putting on The White North Face Ski jacket (which.....she does not ski), the ski mittens and lastly....the white fur hat (which she fancies because she feels that when wearing it she belongs in the movie Dr Zhivago). Armed with a shovel, I push her out the door and quickly race to the front storm door to sit and supervise. Periodically I wave as she looks up from the walkway with the snow still coming down. Keep going Mommy Dearest! You are doing fabulous. I see a flicker of irritation in her eyes but I am not sure if it's me creating this or the snow blowers on either side of her that make no attempt to help her. I suspect it's me.
What pleases me the most is once again.....when she flips off the plow that blocked in the freshly shoveled front walkway. "Making friends in town!!!" I yell.
It's a winter wonderland here.

My Holiday Feeding Station

Hi.......it's me....Annie Grace......

As I awoke this morning I felt the impending sense of doom. Life has been running quite smoothly for me over the last couple of weeks with breakfast promptly served at 6:22 AM (with me still being the natural alarm clock and finding that the "light" biting on the limbs works best), with the real estate market picking up this has left me alone for the day to sleep while she peddles her wares and all in all......no drama. UNTIL, this morning. I just knew the holiday spirit was bound to impact my life eventually and as I slunk into the kitchen to check out what morsels are at my station...... I froze. There is a HUGE paw stocking tacked over my dishes. My perfect pink nose twitched with irritation and then my nose detected a billowing cloud of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue....... she is standing behind me and smiling with a rather atrocious shade of mauve on her lips.

"Oh Annie....don't you love your stocking!" she says all while glancing at herself in the mirror which I assume was to check out this rather unbecoming shade of lipstick which she has informed me is #701 or appropriately named WINED UP. I stare up to the ceiling first looking for Divine intervention and second to collect my thoughts and third to telepathically try to remove myself from this twinkling grossly over sparkled house, possible back to Poland. I count to 11, open my eyes and see that I am still here and THAT THING is still over my dishes. As I saunter over to get a measly morsel of Iaams Chicken Flavor she is following me still talking. I put in my invisible ear plugs and eat. I can't hear most of what she is saying but the two pieces of information I do gather is that she is not working until noon today so we positively MUST spend some time together this morning and also that The Blessed Event is next week. I plot how I can go off after I eat, curl up on the couch with 1 paw staged in the air and all my fur fluffed up to the hilt which will make her tip toe around me as to not disturb me. As for The Blessed Event.....it is out of my control and soon I will be under siege with many screeching women who seek to win The Crown. Perhaps I will throw up later. God Save the Queen!

Hi...it's me.....Annie Grace....
I have finally retrieved the computer from her clutches. My Lady and Keeper has proclaimed this computer as a working tool. This simply has no bearing on my life or needs but being a prisoner held in captivity I have no say. The Holidays are approaching and I must show the world I am alive and well. I have survived the day known as Thanksgiving which has been quite nerve wracking.... first the Turkey which thawed in the refrigerator for 4 days made my mental well-being .....unstable.....I could smell it from the closet when the door was opened! Then the whole family invaded my dwelling for the entire day...chomping on turkey .......giving me none. Not one minuscule morsel. Selfish family indeed. I managed to survive the onslaught of Millin Family including The Rock Star who managed to sneak in and due to the lack of seating.....sat on the trash can. I was quite embarrassed to put out my recyclables this week as the amount of wine bottles at the curb...... exceeded my neighbors. Anyway...... I digress. So, here I sit reflecting on yet my second Holiday Season here and as I contemplate it.....I notice my Keeper start bringing up boxes of sparkling things. I gasp. Here it comes.... Christmas decorations. Slowly I put one paw over both eyes and skulk down trying to be invisible. Please... oh ...please do not make me part of a "family decorating party".
"Oh Annie...how would you like me to light a fire and we can decorate?" Mommy Dearest says. I slowly slide behind the ottoman.
"Annie Grace? Are you there?" she is shrieking.
I peak around the corner and gasp yet again. Is that metallic purple liquid eyeliner you are wearing I ask this annoying creature.
"Yes Annie. Don't you love it?!!"
I would love it more if you were a character in Star Wars.
The fire gets lit, the boxes continue to arrive, the decorations are displayed (with me diligently nodding that "they are PERFECT there"), Christmas Carols are blaring, eggnog is just out of my reach, her voice with every song is grating on my nerves, and the room becomes alive with every neon sparkle which will just impede my sleeping habits.
The boxes are empty and every symbol of Angels, Stars, Christmas Trees, Sparkling Reindeer's, and all other tacky decor has been plastered all over the house. I am blind with glitter...
Happy Holidays!