Do other cats endure what I have to put up with?

Hi.....it's me...Annie Grace,
I am suspect that we are still living in Seattle. Clearly the rain forest in my back yard, the fog and the smell of a wet dog constantly in the air is nauseating. Being a Ragdoll (that would be....a pure breed......I am worth more than you could imagine) which our disposition is happy, friendly, affectionate (I struggle with this one) and every day is basically a sunny day......I am becoming quite the cranky cat. First of all The Queen has been hardly home and although I would prefer she stay out of my way I honestly need the company. WHO am I suppose to humiliate, abuse and make fun of if she is not here? I am actually able to walk through the hall without the air permeated with lotions, potions and the over use/addiction of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue. The bed is un-made in the morning and what fun is it to deposit fur clumps on that? I prefer the perfectly made bed (was she is the military??) in which to leave fur and my body indentation right in the middle of the down comforter. Even throwing up has lost it's charm. It's more fun when I know she is around. I sit in the window with my nose pressed up to the screen and peer through the fog waiting for The Toad or at least a sign of her car pulling up. I should let you all know a very important piece of information which has increased our property value.....the dead Christmas Tree is gone! Not only that...the yard has been cleaned up and the two rotted Adirondack chairs are hauled off. I had little faith that she would get this done before Memorial Day but I have been by her told that if you write a check.....things get done. Speaking of Memorial Day, it's my anniversary of 1 year of captivity. One entire year....365 days of enduring space encroachment, rationed food intake, parties, inhaling toxic sprays all day, make-up lessons and listening to constant phone conversations involving houses, septic systems, underground oil tanks, radon and basically psychiatric consults. Someone HELP ME! Call the SPCA quickly and please have me removed on the grounds that I am a CAT. Not a human and I should not have to endure all this. My job is to sleep and sit looking gorgeous. I hear her pulling in now....I must go and listen to her whole day, trying to keep my eyes open and focused on her.