Hair extensions, men and babies

Hi.....it's me....Annie Grace......
I have been speechless for the last couple of days. Yes...completely speechless. There are a multitude of reasons but lets start with the top 3.
The Bachelor.
By accident we (The Warden and I) ended up watching The Bachelor. By nature neither one of us likes any reality series on TV because it is a pathetic reflection of how much people need to be humiliated...I mean....seen by complete strangers making a complete fool of themselves all while thinking they are famous for a while. Famously pathetic. And why do the masses enjoy watching these shows? Because deep down in a Freudian manner....they feel better about themselves. This show IS PATHETIC!!!! I honestly never knew so many women with the IQ of a tick (saying fruit fly would be generous) and hair extensions are all lusting after a pansy of a man (who they barely know) who happens to have money. Lets take John Edwards and Tiger out of the equation for a moment, they are extreme examples. These Ticks (the screaming conniving women) actually allow themselves to be viewed by the masses acting like complete harlots, yet they all live together and basically gulp champagne while waiting for His Majesty (the pansy) to summon them to his beck and call .....feeding them crumbs along they way (which they gobble up like Turkey Vultures) enticing them that...they must be the most perfect goddess for him. After viewing this on Monday we have now rounded up the troops and are hosting a party every Monday with Pizza and wine.....to completely mock this show. There will be no squealing, hair brushing, screeching, hair twirling, whispering catty comments or in appropriate clothing. Just good clean healthy TV bashing......with wine.

OctoMom
Yes that sick deranged woman who fancies herself as a celebrity or Angelina Jolie. She is a human puppy mill that has bore too many children to count.....and lost over 100 pounds appearing on the cover of every magazine claiming she did it naturally with no surgery. There are no urchins here so neither one of us can comment but.....stretch marks after 14 children just disappear? A bikini after 14 children? How do you have the time to work out? Granted not having a job frees up time a bit.....but don't those rug rats demand most of your day? What are you slimming down for? To meet a man? I will bet she is on eHarmony! I have written her ad for her to help with the search.
SWF-Family oriented Mother looking for a desperate wealthy man who has enough money to send 14 children to the school of their choice. Love spending time at home,sipping champagne,watching crackling fires, making large family suppers and snuggling. (That part could be one of the girls on the bachelor). Looking for companionship (I don't like to be home alone....which is why I had all of those children), someone to work-out with and must own 3 minivans or a stretch Limo, preferably a Hummer.

My last shocker....Kate (From Jon and Kate....plus 8)
She had a complete makeover! What is it with these baby busting women who are now searching for a man? Apply for The Bachelor! She got rid of her backwards mullet and has fabulous hair extensions. They really look good....where did the money come from for those? Last I saw she was crying in front of The Today Show about bills in her purse (she even pointed to her invisible purse) that she could not mail out because there was no money in the account. WOW....Santa was good to her this year. Bills are paid and hair extensions are flowing. What recession??? She was sane enough to admit (I proudly display on TV) that she did have some surgery. Looks very good but unfortunately she might have selected another professional as she would still be with Jon. Does he work? I honestly don't know but it seems as though the more children you have......the more bountiful gift you receive!

Moral of the story.
Hair extension will bring you a pansy man and 8-14 children.

Open Houses

Hi......It's me.....Annie Grace................I am quite disturbed today. I know, I know....my gentle and sunny disposition is world renowned. Let's start with yesterday, which if you do not have to live under this roof, you have absolutely no idea what a Sunday means. A day of prostitution. Open Houses run rampant throughout the neighborhoods. Let's look at the 3 prospectives on that day. The scene is as follows.

Sellers
They gleefully wake up with visions of sugar plum fairies running through their heads. This is the day! Everyone will be lined up to view their castle...I mean house. The airport is probably clogged with 11 planes filled with prospective buyers flying in from round the country...just for this special day. Counter tops and floors sparkle, the smell of Pine scented cleaner permeates the air and this day is more magical than Christmas. They admire their house as they pack up 3 children, 1 smelly dog, the pet ferret (yes....people still have them) and pile into a car giddy with anticipation to drive around for 3 hours knowing that out of 123 people they will soon be blessed with 9 offers above asking, cash and closing next week.

Buyers
They also wake up gleefully .....adorning every ounce of armor they can find. Baseball hats, sloppy clothing and their Starbucks refillable large cup to sip while they spend endless minutes examining every minuscule inch of the property so they can find every excuse not to buy a house but convincing themselves that they are making the right decision and are...ever so savvy. They go out to breakfast and examine their complete list of houses that they just "are dying to see" and fill their coffee cups. They march into every open house with a pact of NEVER EVER be nice to the host (that would be .....the Realtor), act like you are sooo smart and have no intentions of buying this house due to economic conditions which they feel have made every house overpriced. They make sure to inform EVERYONE who also is attending this fine gala that they are brilliant and know the market.

Realtors
They do not wake up gleefully. Knowing they are going to war on the streets, they dress for battle. High heels (which are wonderful when you need to put out 4 open house signs in high traffic areas), perfectly pressed clothing (which shows some sort of dignity), and a very large cup of Tea (the thought of adding Vodka flows through the brain......quickly shaken off when you realize that now is not the time for alcohol induced truths). The signs are hung by the streets with care and after since they have not been hit by a car or beeped at...they sigh. Lights are on in every room (since they do not pay that electric bill.......), flyer's are positioned on the counter, they say a blessing and a prayer, apply yet more lip gloss, open the door and smile.

I know....this drama sounds facinating....until....Sunday at 2:00PM

Sellers 2:01 PM
Return home. Buyers have tracked mud into the house and there are no offers sitting on the counter

Buyers 2:01 PM
Return home. Thankful that they did not buy a house because now they can blame economic conditions for not making a decision. Plus....they can rent and wait for interest rates to rise.

Realtors 2:40 PM
Return home. Remove dress up cloths. Realize they once again have worked an entire day without pay and pour vodka before calling the sellers.

Monday morning 8:30 AM
Depression for all 3 cast members

PeeWee Herman and Mr Rogers

Hi.....it's me......Annie Grace,
I am doing a term paper Yes.....I am. (I am now pursuing a degree in...something ....at Brown University) on the evolution of growing up. It's actually a study on why the younger generation is warped.

I first started thinking about what children watch as they grow from Cherubs to Urchins to Devils and then finally to Self Centered Adults. Trust me......I can say that as I live with the most vain one of all.

So lets start from TV Land in the beginning.

Mr Rogers -1970's

Oh how all the parents of the 60's embraced his "Won't you be my neighbor" concept. These are the same parents who were at Woodstock so I suppose the LSD was still running freely through their veins.

At the beginning of each episode, Fred Rogers enters his television studio house, singing "Won't You Be My Neighbor?". He hangs his coat in a closet, puts on a cardigan zipper sweater, and removes his dress shoes to put on sneakers.
Starting in 1979, episodes were grouped into week-long series, with each series focused on a particular topic. Rogers' monologues throughout the week explore various facets of the topic, and the ongoing story from the Neighborhood of Make-Believe serves as illustration.
Rogers covered a broad range of topics over the years, and the series did not shy away from issues that other children's programming avoided. In fact, Rogers endeared himself to many when, on March 23, 1970, he dealt with the death of one of his pet goldfish.

I truly hope he flushed the goldfish.

I suspect that the parents of this generation might be a tad leery of allowing their children into his playhouse.

Then we have PeeWee Herman - 1980's

This half-hour CBS-TV Saturday morning live-action "children's show" aired from 1986 until 1991 and was enormously popular with both children and adults. The program won six Emmy Awards and a host of other accolades during its first season. Incorporating clips from vintage cartoons and old educational films, newly produced 3-D animation, hand puppets, marionettes, and a cast of endearingly eccentric characters led by a gray-suited and red-bow-tied Pee-wee Herman (Paul Reubens), Pee-wee's Playhouse might best be described as a flamboyant take off on the genre of children's educational TV--a sort of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood meets MTV.

I personally question how Mr Rogers would feel about the comparison. Especially after PeeWee's arrest.....but I will leave that alone. Just a quick note.....there is a resemblance....seriously....look.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKcYGOIJhqo&feature=related

Barney-1990's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZZivl5iKCo

Although the show has been criticized for its lack of educational value, Yale researchers Dorothy and Jerome Singer have concluded that episodes contain a great deal of age-appropriate educational material, calling the program a "model of what preschool television should be.
One specific criticism is:
shows do not assist children in learning to deal with negative feelings and emotions. As one commentator puts it, the real danger from Barney is denial: the refusal to recognize the existence of unpleasant realities. For along with his steady diet of giggles and unconditional love, Barney offers our children a one-dimensional world where everyone must be happy and everything must be resolved right away.Barney likes many different foods such as fruits and vegetables, but his main favorite is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk.

Criticized for it's educational value??? Everyone must be happy????? Peanut butter and Jelly???? Negative feelings and emotions are not dealt with???? I am on to something here! Prozac becomes introduced into the world right about now I suspect and all children become obese. Huuummmm

Dora The Explorer-2000's

Dora, the main character, is a young girl who embarks on a trip in every episode in order to find something or help somebody. She asks the viewers at home to help her find new ways to reach places with the help of Map. She also teaches viewers Spanish, introducing them to short words and phrases.
Dora has a positive view of the characters she meets, failing even to hold a grudge against the mischievous fox Swiper, who continually attempts to steal items from her party. She acts against villains only when it seems that compromise is impossible, and even in these cases, fails to display actual anger. She gives others a chance to try their hands at tasks even when she herself might have an easier time with them. Dora values her family, whom she loves openly, though she spends little time indoors at home with them. She tries to introduce her traditions and customs, subtly and without compulsion, to those who are not familiar with them.

Spends little time with her family????? Gets vindictive when compromise is impossible???? Teaching short words in Spanish???? I suspect this is when they changed over the ATM to selecting a language before you begin. English or Spanish. No German or French seen on the ATM screen....thanks Dora!

In conclusion....We went from creepy..to pervert....to a fat happy purple thing with no emotion to a narcissistic half speaking Spanish little girl that never displays anger. All my questions have been answered.

How much drama is involved in replacing windshield wipers

Hi....it's me....Annie Grace,
I decided to take some time off from napping to share my latest experience with our drama. I say OUR drama because anything that affects my warden ....I mean..... mother, will somehow make it's way into my world. A quiet slumber filled world which is void of drama. Mommy Dearest on the other hand can take the simplest task and basically...screw it up. The latest screw up came when I was downstairs sleeping on the hood of the car, which was freshly washed so I made sure to walk through a bit of water before jumping up on the hood which was my version of a signature or tattoo. As I walked back and forth (about 43 times...give or take) over the hood trying to figure out EXACTLY where I would sleep, I gasped. No wonder the windshield is fuzzy after a washing, the blades need to be replaced. Knowing the severity of the situation in cleanliness I quickly took my nap and hightailed it back upstairs without even passing my feeding station to see if gifts were left. Actually....that's not true, I did not SLOW DOWN when I went by as I can see out of the corner of my eye....no gifts were provided. I ran around the house...about 3 times, deposited 6 clumps of fur on the rug, and finally found The Lady in the bathroom applying yet one more coordinating color of eye shadow.
"Oh Hello Annie Grace.....finished napping?" she says while applying too much Sugar Plum.
With my important message delivered to her she immediately puts down the Lamcome Quad of eyeshadow and spritzes a lot of Dolce and Gabanna to head off to Benny's to get new wipers. If there is one thing I learned upon my arrival here 570 days ago it is that her patience level is....zero. Meaning if something needs to get done or she wants something....it means NOW.
With new wipers in hand I inspect them while she reads the directions. I gasp...yet again. They are super duper RainX Elite wipers which I suspect are for a Hummer. As I help by sitting on the stairs watching her remove the old metal wipers with relatively little bleeding I remind her that she better have the right ones because now she has no wipers.
"I know Annie...I had the guy at Benny's help me. Usually I just stand outside in the parking lot pretending to put them on while looking confused and usually somebody helps me. But since it was getting dark no one helped." she tells me while turning the new wipers around 5 times trying to figure it out which end is up.
Needless to say...after 32 minutes and reading the directions 7 times....they still are not on. The following day....they still are not on and she has wrapped tissue with tape over the ends in case she forgets and starts the wipers. I am quite sure it looks lovely while she is on the road. Next she involves 3 men at work to help install the adapters needed. All 3 men can not understand why she could not just replace the rubber piece of the blade and why she had to have these heavy duty wipers. I asked her why myself but let it go after she explained to me it's the same as an eyelash curler.
You can only replace the rubber piece of an eyelash curler a few times before the metal part is not working to it's optimum ability and you need to get a brand new one.
She actually has a point.
None of the men understood that point but they too can not get them on. Since the old ones broke when she was removing them panic sets in. Does it look like rain? Finally she figures it out after reading the direction 57 times and seeing it's going to rain on Sunday I suspect she will be driving around town with these very expensive Elite wipers which have consumed 4 hours of 4 peoples lives.

Olives are not a vegetable

Hi......It's me....Annie Grace......

I have been down this argument numerous times but can not continue to win. Olives in a martini are NOT a vegetable. We all remember the days when Ronald Regan declared ketchup as a vegetable for schools....... it's the same concept. Anyway, these are our cocktail napkins which have truly embarrassed me to no end. Back to Ronald Regan and the ketchup issue. Tomatoes are a FRUIT!!! Seriously.

The confusion about 'fruit' and 'vegetable' arises because of the differences in usage between scientists and cooks. Scientifically speaking, a tomato is definitely a fruit. True fruits are developed from the ovary in the base of the flower, and contain the seeds of the plant (though cultivated forms may be seedless). Blueberries, raspberries, and oranges are true fruits, and so are many kinds of nut. Some plants have a soft part which supports the seeds and is also called a 'fruit', though it is not developed from the ovary: the strawberry is an example. As far as cooking is concerned, some things which are strictly fruits may be called 'vegetables' because they are used in savoury rather than sweet cooking. The tomato, though technically a fruit, is often used as a vegetable, and a bean pod is also technically a fruit. The term 'vegetable' is more generally used of other edible parts of plants, such as cabbage leaves, celery stalks, and potato tubers, which are not strictly the fruit of the plant from which they come. Occasionally the term 'fruit' may be used to refer to a part of a plant which is not a fruit, but which is used in sweet cooking: rhubarb, for example. So a tomato is the fruit of the tomato plant, but can be used as a vegetable in cooking.

Just so you know....this same site discusses Banana's as an herb as well as a fruit. WHO CARES?????

Here are a list of all the other things that should be followed by....WHO CARES?????

1. 4 people in this state have been ticketed for texting in the last couple of months.

2. Carlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day.

3. There will be a third outbreak of Swine Flue in the spring. (Says who????? God?)

4. It's cold in Florida. (How does one control the weather? It is what it is....)

5. Airports have body scanners. (Seriously??? That will stop everything bad from happening.)

6. People who post comments on News sites ......on-line. Get a life!

7. Kate....from Jon and Kate plus 8.....her new hair style. Take care of your kids please....

8. Brad and Angelina's pregnancy......I give you both 3 more years together

9. Jay and Conan's battle..... We are sound asleep by 11. Do they really say that much fascinating?

10. Finally.....your political or religious views.....and all the places you traveled. You are no more right or better than my insane neighbor....the one I blow our leaves into their yard

While many egos will be shattered......It's all true.....and olives are not a vegetable.

Tween Cherubs

Hello.....it's me....Annie Grace....

Here are The Cherubs with The Lady/My Keeper/My Headache. Only now they are Tween Cherubs. What were we called when we were that age? Tweens did not exist in Websters Dictionary back then.... so what were we? We had no cells, iPods, iPhone, gameboy,Wii or even Ugg's. (As you can imagine Mommy Dearest has a blank look on her face and a look of horror comes over her face....YES Mommy.....NO Uggs! Does she not remember or is her brain capacity really that superficial) As a teen the electronics today must be purely exhausting. These wonderful Tween Cherubs still manage to tolerate her after all these years. The drama, the immaturity, the shallowness, the loudness and probably what completes the tolerance.....the gifts. The gifts are a bribe to keep them young, in awe of her and most of all....continue to call her The Queen. I personally suspect brainwashing is involved but The Cleavers (Ward and June) just roll their eyes and sample new cocktails knowing she will be out the door in 24 hours limiting her influence to ...... reversible. I should point out one fact I know....The Rock Star....seen here on

Christmas Day is............... her influence is quite.....irreversible!

Anyway.....all of these pictures are called Spamalots (obnoxious photos one takes of themselves at a party by pointing a camera at themselves. The trick is to get it centered and at that time, no one realizes the angle is quite unflattering). So, here we have Tweens and two sisters who really still think they are still teenagers......and me.....left at home....alone. So these tweens give Mommy Dearest a coffee mug which leads me to believe that in some way they are still brainwashed. Here is the mug which has been clutched in her hands every morning.