The Dance Recital

Hi....it's me......Annie Grace,

I am now recovered from all the events here...dinners, Thanksgiving, and The Blessed Event. I have been sleeping 23 hours a day, with minimal interruptions from The Lady. Once to ask me "does this eyeshadow look good?" to which I opened one eye and said "NO". This is part of my plan as she will now spend another 2 hours concocting another horrific blend which gives me peace and another with "Annie.....do I look plump in this skirt?" to which I reply "did it shrink?". this one again gives me two hours in which she is now trying on all of her skirts to verify that this is the ONLY one that shrunk. So now she comes out to announce that she is off to her daughters dance recital. I sit up and explain to her that she has NO DAUGHTER!!!! "But Annie...I am going to get Jillian ready for her very first dance recital" she says. "I know....but Jillian is not your daughter! YOU are a fill in!" I tell her while washing my foot. With a poof of Dolce and Gabanna she sashays by me, ignoring me. Why on earth would someone entrust their child with HER? Clearly a last resort. Here are the results....a 4 year old wearing a three blend of coordinating eyeshadow, harlot red lipstick, and the finest pink shimmer blush as well as 2 tons of body glitter. Meanwhile THE HUSBAND and The Lady debate if they should have a glass of wine before they go to the recital....at 11:30 AM. After they decide that a tablet of cold medicine would be better for A COLD.....off she goes with a 4 year old in tow. Now if anyone is horrified at this point...keep in mind the "actual" aka... absentee mother is shopping in Chicago...at Sephora. Now it is all crystal clear. Yes...the daughter of Smithy and Babs (The Thomas English Muffins Thieves). Lions and Tigers and Bears...oh my.

This is a version of a "Spamalot" (self portrait.) Please note...an orange M&M......in an auditorium that says NO FOOD OR DRINK.