Hi...it's me....Annie Grace...

We have received official written notification...the Thomas English Muffin Thieves are on route! Remember? Smitty and Babs......Pameleerrr's guardians? I am sure they have loaded up that minivan with all the tools necessary to conduct yet another heist while driving up from Florida. Coupons, Shaw's and Stop & Shop cards laminated, homemade shopping bags (to help save the environment...they are CONSCIENCES thieves) and weekly circulars piled high as they knock off about 8 states, depriving many families of their breakfast dough. With economic conditions in dire straights I am now concerned for bagels, bollo bread and muffins. I have suggested to The Lady that perhaps if they were concerned for the behavior of their own child? Shopping at Sephora in Chicago as the young Urchin has a dance recital? Martini Parties during a terrible storm? Bringing The Lady a lovely Sephora bag that when she opens it there is nothing but a book...to read and return? No tissue paper? Imagine the dismay to get a large Sephora bag, especially around the holidays and open it.......and see no product. Horrifying indeed! THEN Pameleeerrr proceeds to casually slip out of her large satchel with various NEW products that she aloofly says "Oh...I got this in Chicago...look it's Stila...shadow, liner and smudger...all in one." Next it's a fabulous new shade of Benefit lip stick and gloss all in one. Once I heard about this episode I also had a pit in my stomach...just like The Lady who is now rummaging in her luggage thinking that maybe there is some product she has forgotten about from the last time she traveled. There is not. So here we are....Sephoraless.....waiting.....

We have a squatter

Hi....it's me Annie Grace.....

Out of sheer boredom today I decided to try a new Wild Card. I put my paws up on the back window sill and gaze out. She sashays by.... reeking of Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue (clearly a heavy hand this morning) "Oh Annie.......look how cute you are" she says. So slowly I turn my head, open my eyes really wide and just innocently stare at her. She tip toes away realizing that once again she is encroaching. Then....I gasp. She quickly comes running with some sort of headband now on which I ignore and know she is trying an Audrey Hepburn look but this is much more critical. Look ....I tell her. The vagrant is back. Every snow storm now SOMETHING is living under the deck. There are fresh tracks in the snow coming from the woods and the bamboo lattice is torn back. Now I am nervous. Am I in danger? Bob cat? Fisher cat? Fox? Raccoon? What is she going to do about this? First she photographs the damage thinking we can sue for punitive damages and then the tracks as evidence so when CSI comes to investigate she has the evidence before it melts. I take note that she did apply fresh lip gloss before entering the crime scene. She also thinks it might be a good idea to email them to The Felons as they have loads of tracking experience ...they actually prefer identification of wild animals by scat....but we will not be looking for that! Anyway......after her standing there for about 10 minutes I realize she has no idea what to do besides photographing. "Go poke under the deck" I tell her. She turns around and looks at me in the window and I see that dazed look in her eye....she is trying to figure out how go find a stick under all the snow without walking by hole. She is smart enough to recognize that there is only one set of tracks so clearly IT"S STILL THERE!

Now she is on Ranger Rick's web site (yes the magazine is still in existence) to investigate while calling The National Wildlife Federation. Oh goody...she has narrowed it down to a 21 lb bear or a weasel.

Happy New Year

Hi....it's me Annie Grace........

Happy 2009. The lady and I have been gone for a week. I know everyone was wondering where are they? Skiing in Aspen for a week. Jet setting in Cannes hoping to be discovered for the next film festival. On a Mediterranean cruise from Greece to Positano. New York City to ring in the new year with Matt Lauer. LA for an addition for Hugh Jackman's next movie. (By the way The Lady is now re-thinking waiting for George and is contemplating writing a letter to Hugh letting him know that she is indeed single and will entertain him courting her)

Nope.... none of the above. We are "spending time together" which has left my nerves quite frayed. On top of that we have had more snow which just has The Lady in a tizzy. She is now composing a letter to the town inquiring WHY the road is not plowed on New Years Eve when she is a single mother with a young child who might need to run out for supplies or medicine. After I read that I reminded her that she is NOT a mother.....I am a cat.... and fabric softener is NOT a supply also that wine an vanilla/strawberry body lotion are not medicinal. I also reminded her that she managed to get out of the driveway and have a martini. "Yes, Annie I am aware of that but it could have been catastrophic" she tells me. Yes, 5 inches of snow is indeed catastrophic. Knowing when to pick my battles....I left this one alone especially since she is now adding to her letter that the fire hydrant across the street should be painted red since it's yellow and she had painted her front door red and they should "match". I am sure the Town manager will love to help her. Anyway.....the house is back to normal. Not a trace of Christmas anywhere by 11:30 this morning. All that's left is the tree.....she is still trying to figure out how to get it outside without fear of my escape. I have continually made it difficult by sitting in front of the door while pretending to be fascinated with the snow. I did hear her mention locking me in the bathroom for a minute but now I avoid even walking by there.

We have new coveted goblet. Yes......Guardian Angel gave it to her and not only does it say Princess on it....it's covered with diamonds and jewels. After each use she hand washes it, wraps it up and then it goes back in the box. She thinks everyone should have one and can not believe that Oprah will omit this item on her "My favorite things" episode.

Merry Christmas

Hi....it's me....Annie Grace,

I know I am suppose to say Happy Holidays but....clearly I am not a politically correct Ragdoll. I am alone. All by myself for the day. Yes....solo...by thy self....without others....



Actually it has no impact on me. I will be sleeping for 22 hours of the day and dumping fur, eating and sharpening my claws on the leather for the remaining 2 hours. I may spend some time slightly moving shiny objects that catch my attention on the tables as The Lady will notice if they are 1/8th of a millimeter off. Then she will wonder around the house when she returns examining everything to make sure it is "just so". I am quite sure that when mothers leave there 5 year old unattended for 24 hours there are ramifications with DCYF but she is apparently above the law. I will sense when she is returning and sit in the window when she drives in which will instantly make her guilt ridden and then will be followed by an abundance of turkey treats and cat nip. It is a fabulous plan. So I would like to say Merry Christmas to all!

Our Christmas card....to you.

Hi....it's me...Annie Grace...
I have been home alone today while The Lady is out peddling her wares. Yes...2 days before Christmas and clearly SOMEONE might buy a house. Anyway.....I have been reading all the lovely Christmas card we have received including all the newsletters and apparently there is not a woe in any ones lives. Seriously...every ones children are thriving, vacation travel was abundant and everyone is leading fabulous lives! So when The Lady arrived home tonight with her skirt just a tad too short for professional attire and a rather weary look I asked her if we could write a Christmas newsletter...like if we were a normal family that lived under her command. She said yes after examining herself in the mirror and thinking that her Sapphire Blue Waterproof Dior eyeliner still looked good at the end of the day. So here is my newsletter:

Dear Friends and Family,
This year of 2008 we were showered with an abundance of joy in our lives. Everything is so perfect here we could just burst. Matter of fact there is so much perfection here many people stroll by to ask how we do it....
George has been trying to find a job this year and remains eternally optimistic. With his 6 degrees (2 from Harvard) we are certain that his 3 layoffs this year were just a fluke. He has found so much time to fish, sit around and watch Homer Simpson while neglecting his household duties but we are so ticked pink by the bass tournament he won that we think perhaps another year of unemployment could be fun!
The Lady has been very busy in a declining tanking real estate market but still manages to volunteer about 50 hours a week and she is president of the PTA, Women's Resource Center and is up for nomination for South County's Woman of the Year. Also she has taken up basket weaving and French while winding down her East Asian studies at URI.
Cindy Lou is now turning 15 and what a beauty she is! She decided to dye her hair blue this year and we just love it! She was only arrested once this year but it was only shoplifting...at Sephora. No jail time and no record. We are so proud! Also ...she is exploring the new territory of dating which we support her...beaming all the way! She has a new boyfriend. He is 21 and we just love him. He drives her everywhere...which takes the burden off us. He has a wonderful Harley.
Little George is turning 14 this year..can you stand it! He is soooo perfect. At 6 feet tall the girls just adore him. He is on his 3rd year of basketball and is still yet to play but he is a STAR in our eyes. We expect that he will be recruited by the majors once he actually gets to play. Two of his friends were arrested this year and we are so blessed that he is perfect...and never got caught. Also for the first time he actually got D's instead of F's!!!! Big round of applause!!!
Our baby....Tabitha....it seems like yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital and now she is a blossoming brilliant 9 year old. We are not saving for her college because we are so sure she will get a full scholarship to Harvard or Yale. Out of 100 in her class she is....61! We are so proud!! Her accidental killing of our pet hamster has made us aware of how important family is and we miss Harry the Hamster everyday.
Our family has cherished everyday together and we never fight! Our travel this year is abundant... we went to Cranston, North Providence, Westerly, Groton-CT and even an overnight to the races in NH. Aren't we lucky!! We thought about going to Italy, France or even Africa but we chose to make our adventures much more meaningful....right here!
We hope this letter finds all of our family and friends as health, lucky and beautiful as us.
Love,
The Clooney/Millin Family

P.S. Annie the Cat is very well adjusted now and continues to give us a daily HHTT Look

The Storm

Hi.... It's me.....Annie Grace....

Here I am! Dutifully watching The Lady shovel. She doesn't look to happy so I am giving her my silent support. Every time she looks up I just sit and wash an ear letting her know how she should be thankful that she no longer needs to shovel paths for an outdoor bathroom that perhaps my litter box is not so bad. As she piles on the clothing and her white fur hat she manages to apply a quite vivid shade of lipstick called "Sunset". I am quite certain that the snow will melt by itself after she is outside for a while. I am momentarily blinded by it. I also am sure that at this point she will no longer ask me for reassurance that the snow is lovely and how pretty everything looks.....she just looks a little distraught.

Look...it's reindeer's!!!!

Our Christmas Tree....be afraid.

Hi....it's me...Annie Grace,

Today was what I thought would be a fabulous day. She leaves this morning with the Coach Satchel full...which indicates lots of work she took home for the 3 day inclement weather and did NONE of it, UGG boots with a Tahari suit and yes......shocking pink lipstick. It's like the Angel's are singing to me. I have a whole day of peace and solitude. So after she leaves I pleasantly leave about 5 clumps of my fur on the stairs,eat my food in a frenzy so it all spills on my place mat, use the litter box...twice and decide that the couch is not my mode of fur deposit today. Under the tree is what I desire to ruin today. So.....I settle in under the tree and try to hypnotically make myself sleep....Poland, Italy...Sammer (who is probably severely neglected because his mother "is with child"). Nothing is working. So now I gaze up at the sparkling things hanging from the tree....I am in awe of the beauty and I think....for a moment...perhaps The Lady is not so bad....look what she has created...for me. Just for me. As I am really going into the beginning of a fabulous 4 hour REM sleep...something catches my eye and I am horrified. It's a Rastafarian...on the tree. Now I start to examine this tree and I do not feel I need to say any more. Just look at the pictures. Where is Jesus? Mary? Joseph? Rudolph? Frosty? A pine cone for goodness sake!!!

How am I to hold my head up high? Yes...it's a gay male mermaid drinking a cosmo..........

Mrs Robinson and The Guardian Angel

Hi...it's me......Annie Grace......
Here we are......another day of prisionship here. Inclement weather...AGAIN. So here she is napping while watching a trashy lifetime movie. I have repeatedly asked for the Patriots game but she has a very blank look and says " Oh Annie....it's like the stock market and the elections....you only need to see the last 1/2 hour....for the results." So....I turn sideways, swish my tail at her and ever so carefully walk PERFECTLY slow out of the room until I get to the door, then I turn just my head and look at her, with the HHTT Look. I inquired this morning over coffee and Wisker Lickens where she was last night as I was exhausted waiting up for her. She said she was out for dinner with The Guardian Angel, which means apparently bad roads are not any cause for concern when it comes to swordfish and a martini. Being highly intelligent I realize that more went on last night so I asked her WHERE they went after dinner. So they went to Joe's and proceeded to spread more holiday cheer among the other patrons. So now they notice a very YOUNG man sitting at the bar next to The Lady who proceeds to hit on them. "John" is his name and now the Guardian Angel is flying all around the drinking establishment with her wings while The Lady is now conversing with young John. I gasped....The Angel left you? Is she not your Guardian? The Lady now kindly says..."John how old are you?" He says 28. Relentless in his pursuing...The Lady says that she is old enough to be his mother. Clearly he has been watching old movies...like The Graduate. At this point she is now wearing Guardian Angels glasses because she cant read the tab in the dark. Chattering away young John continues to bore her. Alas...The Guardian Angel has returned and now they may fluff him off and go home. So now I am busy defining The Guardian Angel's official definition:

GUARDIAN ANGEL
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1631
: an angel believed to have special care of a particular individual ; broadly : savior 1 , protector

PROTECTOR
Pronunciation:
\prə-ˈtek-tər\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century
1 a: one that protects : guardian b: a device used to prevent injury : guard2 a: one having the care of a kingdom during the king's minority : regent b: the executive head of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland, and Ireland from 1653 to 1659 —called also Lord Protector of the Commonwealth

Hopefully this will help her! The Guardian Angel that is. Mrs. Robinson on the other hand......... her ego has been inflated which means she is unbearable today.

The storm

Hi....it's me...Annie Grace......
This is what I have been fearing since Our Toad left for Miami. Me.....HER......snow bound....visions of sugarplum fairies dancing in her head. So we are half way through the day and I have managed to sleep quietly on MY leather chair with only one interruption. It starts like this...."Annie...are you sleeping?" Completely curled in the fetal position I am .......for the last hour "No...I am balancing my checkbook in my head" I tell The Lady. Now she pauses and I know she has two thoughts running through her simple mind. The first is that you are suppose to balance your checkbook. The second is that I might actually have a checkbook. She falters but the as always quickly rebounds and says "Oh....all right Annie but I just have a quick question...do you know where I put the nail polish remover?" I peer at her...for about a minute..then put my head back down feigning sleep deprivation. Now she is off looking for the nail polish remover since she is now knocked down a notch as pedicures are no longer in the budget. I have agreed with her 7 times that the tree is lovely and how "much fun" we are having together at home today. I have agreed that the snow is enchanting, yes we should put on Christmas music and all the Christmas lights and yes I also am positive that we won't have to shovel and it all will melt. It is exhausting!